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Garden WILLIAMS - "window to library"

lullabywave 5 / 14  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you.

What I see is that which has always brought me comfort: my town's library, but more specifically the garden. Tall trees with high reaching branches protect the top of anyone's head from the sun. The entire vicinity is under one cool shadow. Here, I was saved.

As a child, the library was the most exciting place to be. I've been told to never judge a book by its cover, but every trip to the children's section had me on a hunt for an attractive cover. As I got older, the thickness of my books grew, as did my level of engrossment. At school, I carried books with me wherever I went. I read in class, at lunch, and during playtime. Though I was always alone, I didn't notice because I was always reading. No one disliked me, but no one liked me either. Unless I was a team captain, I was always the last one picked in sports. When a teacher told us to raise our hands if we didn't have a partner, mine always went up.

One weekend, I gathered up all my borrowed books and went to the town library to return them with the intent to never go back. As I walked out the door, I bumped into two girls from my class. "We're on a mission! Help us find lemony clovers!" Unaware that this was joke, I agreed, but even so, in such a manner, I spent an hour in the library's garden eating heart-shaped clovers that tasted like lemon, honey suckle, and plain grass. In the end I was given a book and told "Okay, we can be friends if you read this."

At the library I met my best friends: books and the people who saved my passion for reading.

austintaceous 4 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
I liked how your essay is centered around the idea of books as friends and finding those who encouraged your passion for reading. However, I think mentioning instances of your state of "being alone" should be rephrased or reworded to books helping you achieve a state of solitude, as it has a more positive connotation. Books may be your passion, but you shouldn't depict them as tools used to alienate yourself from others. Try to trim that done. Instances of books as a refuge or a place of escape are also points that could be touched on.

I enjoyed your descriptions of the gardens and how they serve as a pleasant backdrop to your essay, but elaborate on that. Perhaps interweave images of the luscious garden with towering bookshelves.

ALSO: avoid cliches like the plague (hah!). Take out "judge a book by its cover" for something less trite.

All in all, make EVERY WORD COUNT. Do not have supplementary or extraneous details that merely detract from your main message. They don't act as buffers of support but rather obscuring sentences. You only have 300 words and it's best to effectively ensure each word builds up to your main point: that books are your friends, your companions, your comrades, your fellow scholars, etc.

I'm also applying to Williams, by the way! :) Good luck!

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