Hi Gloria, can you pleaseee correct this mini-essay? Also, do you think it addresses the question well? thanks
In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
Many people advise me not to write gastronomy as an extracurricular in a collage application. I should better "write about my achievements in Creative Writing competitions and about the hard physics extracurricular I enjoy attending..." But for me, gastronomy is much more than just a hobby or an extracurricular. It is one of my greatest passions. Everytime there is a course in an academy, I attend it. I love learning new techniques - and apply these from a different chef's point of view each time. And every weekend, I experiment and create new dishes for my family. I recreate new ones- interpret them in my own way or come up with an entirely new concept. With gastronomy, I feel my creativity has no boundaries and that there will always be endless possibilities to try out. It remains the sole kind of art that everyone, with no exception, likes.
Many people advise me not to write gastronomy as an extracurricular in a collage application. I should better "write about my achievements in Creative Writing competitions and about the hard physics extracurricular I enjoy attending..." But for me, gastronomy is much more than just a hobby or an extracurricular. It is one of my greatest passions. Everytime there is a course in an academy, I attend it. I love learning new techniques - and apply these from a different chef's point of view each time. And every weekend, I experiment and create new dishes for my family. I recreate new ones- interpret them in my own way or come up with an entirely new concept.
With gastronomy, I feel my creativity has no boundaries and that there will always be endless possibilities to try out. It remains the sole kind of art that everyone, with no exception, likes.
Good evening :)
OK, to start off, make sure you are properly capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. As such, "Creative Writing" shouldn't be capitalized.
Avoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but."
"Everytime" is two words: "every time."
Why is it repeated twice?
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
oops, sorry. copy-pasted it two times. is it OK now? i don't know if I really should write about this or just about a plain old science extracurricular. this essay is pretty important :s! any thoughts? thanks for your time :)!
Good afternoon :)
As I stated before, watch what you start your sentences off with. Avoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but," "so," or "and."
Other than that, I think it is a good piece!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
