spectating the nightfall's performance of flashing lights and trying to make sense of her celestial connect-the-dots
Sounds a little too convoluted with the synonyms. "watching the night's
performance of flashing lights ...
trying to make sense of her celestial connect-the-dots
this doesn't really make sense. It sounds like you were trying to create shapes from the stars, but that is not what you later describe
It is really short if they say "a page." To include more, you
definitely could talk more about Bryn Mawr. I could replace "Bryn Mawr" with "college" and it would make sense. What separates college from high school is that people make the conscious choice to go to college. Therefore, you will undoubtedly find people who want to learn while you're at college. Why Bryn Mawr? There should be something specific in our essay about why you chose Bryn Mawr if you want to stand out amongst the thousands.