Please submit a one page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know.
more than the bare minimum
I've been a part of the generally apathetic for the majority of my life. I was good at math and music, but I never really did more than the bare minimum. I always told people I wanted to be an engineer, but I didn't know why. It wasn't until high school, when I realized why I truly want to be an engineer. It was also during this time when I learned that I didn't just have to be an engineer, despite saying I wanted to be one my entire life. It was during this time when I experienced so many wonderful things for the first time: the satisfaction that comes with programming, the absolute genius behind Newton's proofs, the invigorating power of music, and most importantly what it's like to be a part of community that actually cares.
Before high school when I told people I wanted to be an engineer they would respond with a disingenuous "cool" or a genuinely confused "why?". But during high school people would respond with an enthusiastic "Me too" or be genuinely curious about which field I wanted to go into. Almost everyone was brimming with hopes, dreams, and passions. This coupled with the AP classes that were finally able to pique my interest filled me with a feeling that I had never experienced before: excitement. I remember having my mind blown for the first time during an explanation of the limit definition of derivatives. I remember bonding with some of my closest friends through our mutual anxieties about that April 15 notification date. I remember sneaking backstage with my friends to get an autograph from our local symphony. I remember working on my own knock off version of Flappy-Bird for hours on end. There are so many things I remember that have filled me with excitement in a way that I never felt before high school and their all thanks to rigor of curriculum and the enthusiasm for learning of my friends.
Now, in my senior year, I am no longer a part of the generally apathetic, but I don't want to just remember all the good times I had in high school, I want to take the next logical step and continue experiencing by attending a college filled with rigorous classes and passionate people. A college like CMU
CMU is one of the most prestigious and selective colleges in the world and it's because of this that it attracts people like me. People who wholeheartedly love STEM and are well on their way to accomplishing their dreams by attending CMU. CMU's holistic admission philosophy ensures that only those who are truly passionate about their fields and fully intend of making use of all of CMU's opportunities, whether it be through the School of Computer Science's Independent Study courses, or through the College of Engineering's Senior Honors Research program, or through the myriad of musical organizations that have congregated by CMU make it in. And it's because of this CMU has cultivated exactly what I've been looking for, a community that's full of passionate and motivated students that love learning.
Not only is CMU ranked among the top universities in the world in both engineering and computer science, but it's also only a few hours away from the world famous Philadelphia Orchestra. While a five hour car ride just for one performance may seem unrewarding for some, to me it's a chance to catch up with my favorite symphonies. It's also a much better option than a three hour plane ride from Florida.
Aside from giving my parents bragging rights, attending CMU would allow me to live in the environment and experience the rigor I've been craving my entire life and truly thrive.
Any feed back is welcome.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Adam, your whole essay does not properly represent the required information based on the prompt requirements. You have decided to write a background statement instead of accurately showing the reviewer the considerations that you used in selecting your major, your educational institution, and your achievements that helped you come to the final decision about your future.
The information that you present indicates a general understanding of Carnegie Mellon but does not reflect any relation with your chosen major. In fact, you don't even specifically mention your chosen major. There are no achievements indicated either. Only a discussion of the general understanding of how STEM fits in the overall scheme of Carnegie Mellon. This type of essay will not help you get into the university because it does not deliver the prompt requirements. You can't use this essay. You need to better understand the prompt requirements and then develop a more relevant essay. The focal points are:
1. What is your major?
2. Why is Carnegie the best place to learn about the major?
3. What achievements and experience do you have that will make you a far more advanced candidate for admission to this major? Why should they choose you over someone else based upon your related experiences?
I tried to simplify the prompt for you in the hopes of helping you to better present your responses on an outlined, individual basis. I hope it works.
