Tell me if something is missing or needs to be removed! Thank you :)
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Generally, being a Ballerina equates to having an unhealthy obsession with your body. Constantly portrayed as being tall and skinny, the word Ballerina conjures up images of an obsessive perfectionist in a tiara. To quote Nina from the movie Black Swan, "I just want to be perfect." The phrase itself reinforces the stereotypical image of a body-conscious and insecure dancer in a tutu skirt.
But to me, choosing Ballet meant to perform an art. In all its beauty, Ballet is to combine dance and music, creating an unspoken language to effectively tell a story. I remember the first time I decided to go for Ballet classes, standing at a mere 5 ft and curvy by society's standard at a size 8. It felt even weirder standing next to the tall elegant and skinny girls who stood confidently at a size 4, while the judges eyed me with hesitation. But if Ballet has taught me anything, it was to be confident in my own skin and to persist. And as I twirled around on the tip of my toes, my body adjusting to the tune of the music, all forms of self-doubt disappeared.
Ballet is not only a major part of my life in terms of time, but to me it is significant from an emotional standpoint. Through Ballet I have made new friends, gained self-confidence, and expressed myself. No wary looks will make me back out.
Hadeel, why have you structured the essay in this manner? What question are you trying to pose an answer to? You seem to be discussing two separate topics within the same essay. One is the body issue related to being a ballerina, and the other, are the positive reasons for being a ballerina. Are you supposed to be writing a comparison essay? Or is this for a common app to a specific university? Can you share the prompt with us if that is the case? Right now, the essay is quite informative but I am not really sure if it answers the given prompt properly since I do not have any idea what the prompt is at this point. I can however, say that the essay works in a manner of speaking. When considered an introduction to the world of ballet, then the essay works very well :-)
@vangiespen This is the extracurricular essay in the commonapp. Sorry I forgot to mention the prompt I thought I added it in the title.
I agree with vangiespen, you need to focus. Maybe you can skip tp your personal view towards ballet and explore it :)
@melramadhani I wanted to show what I learned from Ballet that's why I mentioned both sides. Does it work as an EC essay?
Hadeel, this works as an extra curricular prompt essay. The only concern that I have about it is that you seem to be more concerned about the image of the ballerina in the public eye rather than presenting the way that this extra curricular activity has helped transform you as a person and helped to bring you to new heights of maturity in relation to your goals and ambitions in life. It is my belief that if you could skip the reference to "Black Swan" and merely approached the essay from your personal point of view, explaining the aforementioned topics, the whole paper would have better continuity, a smoother flow, and be more interesting to read. Remember, the paper should be about your participation in this activity. The opinion of other people should not be a factor in this discussion. It is also too short for an EC essay. Try to provide at least 250 words for the essay. There is room to develop any ideas or stories that you wish to present, utilize it and make sure that it helps to bring an exciting energy to your otherwise lackluster essay.
