Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular.
Since I could not visit any college in person, I had to rely only on internet. Swarthmore caught my eyes first as an excellent school (among the very best on a college ranking) and a college generous toward international students.
However, it was far from the top of my list. Yet somehow it survived all cuts and made the final list, although I still knew very little about it. Frankly, it was not until I started writing this essay, that I realized what a fabulous college Swarthmore is and how much I would like to study there. There are many things I like about Swarthmore - very high faculty to student ratio, which is one of the main reasons why I want to study in the USA, Tri-college consortium with Haverford and Bryn Mawr and cross registration with University of Pennsylvania which enables students to take their classes at these school and thus explore and get to know them and their students, absence of cut-throat competition typical for big universities and willingness of students to help others, beautiful campus with so many trees, gardens and flowers (especially Amphitheater and Crum woods look awesome on pictures) etc. I could go on forever, but there is no time and place for it.
All these wonderful features practically force me to take a chance and apply to Swarthmore, since I would love to join the unique and passionate student body and become one of the Swatties. I believe that Swarthmore and the experience I could gain both at school and on campus among Swatties will prepare me best for my future life.
I know it is probably not very good, but how bad it really is?
However, it was far from the top of my list.Yet somehow it survived all cuts and made the final list, although I still knew very little about it. Frankly, it was not until I started writing this essay, that I realized what a fabulous college Swarthmore is and how much I would like to study there.
Absolutely remove the first line. Do sth about the lines in italic too. You should be very positive about the college you are applying to, you should tell them that you know a lot about them because you are very interested, not the contrary.
Also: Since I could not visit any college in person, I had to rely only on internet. is not so good as a first sentence, pick something stronger for that.
beautiful campus with so many trees, gardens and flowers (especially Amphitheater and Crum woods look awesome on pictures )
when you say beautiful campus you include trees, gardens and flowers. look awesome in pictures-they already know you haven't seen the campus live, so there's no need to say that.
All these wonderful features practically force me
force me is not appropriate. you could say for eg: make it impossible for me not to apply to...
Hope I helped. Could you help me with my posts please (esp. with the "music and sports" one)? :)
Thanks, you helped me a lot.
I wrote it like that to emphasize how much I changed my opinion after I found some information about the college. Probably not suitable for admission essays...
OK, I'll cross it out and try something else.
And I agree with the last point, I just couldnt find more appropriate words when I was writing.
