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"Genius Festival" - Personal Statement

chi_l_2002252 1 / 1  
Aug 29, 2019   #1

a solution for unconfident individuals

At every time, there have existed endless people who are unconfident or can not find their talents what they can do. My story will be an example of showing how those problems are solved.

Last year, my school's annual event named "Genius Festival" was celebrated, all grades were required to prepare a performance to perform in " Final Night". My grades' performance was too few participants because they had multiple reasons to do not join such as timid, lazy. Outstandingly, they did not have enough confidence to perform in front of people and did not know how to dance were the most reasons they gave me. I was fed up with their answers while they were giving me those insipid reasons. From a moment, I thought: "If we keep going act like this, our performance will be monotonous." Then, I tried to entice them to take part in by motivating and encouraging them. Consequently, they unwilling agreed to participate as a mission.

For the first time, their attitude was disheartened and superficial. Conversely, I deeply endeavored to keep myself cheerful and dynamic in order to convey a "funny vitamin" for them to get more energy and hold comfortable and joyful air all the time. Whenever we practiced, I enthusiastically taught them the movements and perseveringly helped them to fix their dances step when they were being wrong although their dances were terrible. I whole-heartedly showed them how to dance, how to perform this move and carefully corrected their every step, sometimes I would like showed my dance steps or took some interesting and funny movement description as examples for them to follow. During the times, I always encouraged their spirits to boost their spirits, motivated them to practice better. As reasons, I was not only strongly wanted the performance would be as perfect as it could but also let them realized that dance was not difficult as they thought, it was incredible, cheerful and powerful. Besides, they stood a golden chance to show their latent talent, and I confidently confirmed that I was such a good dancer and great teacher. After each training session, I would not only let them know where they were weak or strength but also shared with them the problems and difficulties that are encountered and provided solutions to achieve the best result. According to me, I never forgot praising their strong points, acknowledged their efforts and encouraged them again after I completely choose euphemism to limit the negative while telling them about their weaknesses. Then, we came to share our puzzles, difficulties by listened to each one and calmly considered, found out the way to figure it out together. Little by little, their attitude entirely changed like the first time; confident to show their dance, more willing and more enthusiastic. As a consequence, they performed the performing was fantastic and powerful, I was surprised when they honestly admitted that dance brought them advantages and created chances for them to feel extremely cheerful, healthy, confident, energetic. Since that, they were more dynamic than the past and actively participated in various extracurricular activities or clubs such as dance club, sing club, glee, HAT, LSD. They truly changed and more confident than before.

I was glad to help others to be better. Exactly, I effectively helped them to be more confident and inspire them to dance. They realized they might do the things that they claimed that they could not do. As a result, my goal was approached, people willing to took part in the performance and did it incredibly. I want to show them that nobody not good for anything, everybody has their talent and be confident to show that.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Sep 4, 2019   #2
Hi there. Welcome here! While it's great that you are here to listen to our feedback, it would be beneficial on both ends if you could reason out why you are writing this essay. Giving us a brief background information would help us analyze the essay in its entirety.

The first paragraph is alright. I do wish that you expounded a little bit more, especially because it currently only showcases being particularly bland in the situation. I recommend that you try to incorporate more concrete and objective narrations instead of having observation-based elucidations of events. Take a look at your second paragraph. These were mostly thought-based or personal narrations. Try to balance out your writing with more boldness.

While the third paragraph is great because of the amount of detail, it still lacks that profoundness that is being sought after. If you prioritize what to put in your written text, you would be able to have a more in-depth approach because you're giving specific focal points for your writing.

The last paragraph should be integrated with the last sentences of the third paragraph. Because of the lack of length, the conclusive remarks appear to be rather bland. I recommend trying to be more integral with your writing approach.

Best of luck.
OP chi_l_2002252 1 / 1  
Sep 11, 2019   #3
I write this essay for college application (personal statement).
Tks for your advice <3

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