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Geology is a rich and diverse subject that has a great room for creative thought. UCAS statement


CaptainCook 6 / 14 1  
Oct 10, 2014   #1
This is my UCAS personal statement for my degree of choice: Geology. I appreciate every feedback and suggestions. Thank You!

PERSONAL STATEMENT

Everyone wakes up in the morning hoping to achieve something in life. That 'something' is what keeps them going every day. For me, it is my strong desire to contribute to society. I believe the best way to do that is by helping them understand the earth's mechanism and how to maximise its potential to not just complement our lives but to make it better. My fascination for earth and wanting to contribute to society are the reasons why I decided to study geology.

I discovered my love for earth science in the best way I can imagine. It all started when I decided to join the school's R&D team as a result of my desire to create and innovate. We did a research about a portable water container that can increase the concentration of dissolved oxygen in drinking water. Throughout the research, I was able to fully implement the knowledge that I have gained in class.

After the research, I was chosen by the ministry of education to represent my school and country for a knowledge exchange program to Melbourne. I got a chance to visit Phillip Island and witnessed the renowned Pyramid Rock. The dark-coloured, triangular-shaped rock can be seen from most of the beaches along the island's southern coast. What fascinates me most about the rock is its colour. It has a pink colour base made of granite and a dark grey basalt pyramid. This led me to read Tas Walker's Biblical Geology. I found out that the difference in colour is caused by unconformity and signifies a time gap between the granite being placed and the basalt lava flowing on top.

It was a once in a lifetime experience that helped me discover what I am passionate about. Since then, I started to subscribe to some geology websites such as (I have to remove the web address) and followed Iain Stewart on Twitter to keep myself updated all the time. He is a Fellow of the Geological Society of London.

The branch of geology that I am very interested in is energy and natural resources. The roles geologists play in this sector such as locating energy sources by using techniques such as seismic surveys and then extracting it using their skills in rock mechanics and tunneling to design an opencast, are vital for the development of a nation and it is parallel to my life goal which is to contribute to society.

Geology is a rich and diverse subject that, while primarily a scientific subject, has a great room for creative thought. For my A levels, I decided to choose subjects that consist a perfect mix of creativity and technicality. Chemistry has granted me the ability to identify the elements that are found in minerals and how they gave different properties to different minerals. Next, lessons in physics taught me to adopt a more logical approach when dealing with problems. Lab sessions provided me with a medium to train my practical skills such as collecting and interpreting data. Also, insights in differential equations and graphs that I have gained in maths and further maths have allowed me to utilise the statistics produced by geological firms, enabling me to view it in a different perspective.

Apart from studying, a chunk of my time is spent on the computer. I am the publicity director for my school's computer club. Thanks to that role, I was able to channel my artistic ability and work with people from different backgrounds. Also, my involvement in the R&D program has taught me how to negotiate with people and how to accept criticisms positively. Realizing the value to be able to speak in many tongues led me to learn the Japanese language. I took the Japanese Proficiency Exam in my senior year and passed with a distinction. I am also a first team member of my school's cricket team which plays competitively annually.

I am looking forward to fully expose myself to this exciting and rewarding field of study. I hope someday I will be able to unravel more wonders of the earth and ultimately be able to contribute back to society.
scottiecheng7 - / 1 1  
Oct 10, 2014   #2
Hi CaptainCook, your essay has appropriate substance but it lacks in presentation. You employ many clichés, such as:

Everyone wakes up in the morning hoping to achieve something in life.
It all started when...
It was a once in a lifetime experience...

Find a more elegant way to word your statements; for example, this:

It all started when I decided to join the school's R&D team as a result of my desire to create and innovate.

could become this:

I became a member of my school's R&D team in the (season) of (year) as a result of my desire to create and innovate.

And this:

I am looking forward to fully expose myself to this exciting and rewarding field of study.

could become this:

I am looking forward to immersing myself in this exciting and rewarding field of study.

Also, Instead of "I got a chance to," write, "I received an opportunity to." Diction choices are crucial to a good essay.

Refrain from using the pronoun "I" too often; that pronoun dominates your essay so try to curb its prominence. There are also minor grammatical errors, such as not capitalizing "Ministry of Education," and there is a lot of redundancy when you constantly state your life goal is to "contribute to society."

Make a few diction and syntax changes, delete unnecessary pieces of information (following Iain Stewart on Twitter), restructure the essay and work on transitions to make it flow better, and your essay should be good. Best of luck.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 10, 2014   #3
CaptainCook, while your essay is very informative in relation to the way you developed your personal interest in Geology, I believe that you can best answer this prompt, as schottichang7 said, by avoiding cliche's. Rather than telling us a story about the way your interest grew over time, why not state a Geological question instead that has been puzzling you over time? Relate that question to your interest in Geology and then explain how you have been seeking the answers to that question by joining various activities in the past. That way your stories will not seem so cliche and will be providing an insight into your development as a future geologist.

You can also make your essay stand out by developing a goal for yourself in the future. As a graduate, what kind of changes to you hope to effect in Geology? What is your biggest dream or ambition related to your career and how do you hope to accomplish that? Talk about the future you in a way that shows your personal concern for the field. Make us believe that you were born to be a geologist. Drive the point home by stating that you hope to have the assistance of the university in achieving the goals you have set for yourself in the conclusion.


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