Kayley... come on you can do better than that.
What was this was my first and last question.
There is no story.... no personal touch(
I always feel guilty for getting annoyed with him.
is not showing personal touch.)
Talk about the character.... how he has influenced you to do something worthwhile... let me remind you that this is a admission essay where you are competing with kids from world over. There will be kids with great qualifications or great activities or work experience or something. Read your essay and judge where do you stand infront of them.
Really, is that it? I mean all through your high school, teenage life and everything all you could learn is caring for brother. Excuse me, everyone including me as I have small brother care for him. Does that make you different?
I think before writing ...go through some essays on forum and see what people write. Read the comments and most of all do not try to impress the admission committee. Tell the essay something about yourself and then see the wonders.
I understand that I have been a little a harsh but this is a admission essay and I would not like to be someone who gives false pretenses. Believe in yourself and rack your brains.... I am sure there is the something special in you will reflect in your essay.
Hope this helps... :)