George Washington U. professional, communicative politician

dear kevin, I don't know how to start a new thread ,so I put my essay below. just look at it and give me your suggestions straightforwardly. Thanks .

Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants).

I was deeply attracted by The George Washington University several months ago when I lived with my roommate who visited your university a year before. She showed me that your university has produced by far lots of world-class top professors as well as American politicians and capitalizes on its fantastic geographic location. Located in the heart of Washington, D.C., as opposed to the outskirts where most of the other D.C. schools are, GWU offers uncomparable access to a city rich in history and one that makes history every day. Meanwhile, The George Washington University has its unique major settings, special characteristic and advanced ideas in running the university as well as its multinational student sources from over 130 countries. Its learning communities will help me and my classmates to learn from each other, learn multi-faceted cultures, improve our communicative capability and enhance team spirit. The integrity that GW advocates in its idea of education is the basic necessary quality for a promising excellent student. This is especially true when I read the website showing how GW provides serious course assessment for perspective undergraduates and graduates. I was well-informed that Assessment is the collection and interpretation of information about what, how much, and how well students are learning. It is part of the instruction model of planning/teaching/assessing and refers to the assignments and tasks that provide information to improve the learning experience of current and future students. This sort of assessment is unique, which will give me more constructive suggestions while towards my future.

There are many extracurricular activities that interest me as well. Because GW puts such an emphasis on leadership, service, community and student organizations, students could stand out as a unique and inviting opportunity. As an initiator to organize a voluntary organization called 'Our Summer Vacation Trips' which primarily focuses on how to collect money for the students with excellent academic performance but living in an impoverished family, I was active in many community programs. I have been looking for a school that I can get involved with and learn from, not just to earn a degree, but to build on skills that will guide me in life. As a student at GW, one of my goals would be to continue practicing solid management and leadership skills through my work in the student government, various student organizations and as a volunteer. Also, my long-term objective is to become a professional, communicative politician who finds a suitable role within an international organization, such as UNESCO, ideally with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to civil unrest, war, famine or other natural disasters.

Therefore, I dream that one day I will walk in the halls of GW's beautiful campus and I will be very proud to say that I graduated from one of the most equipped and well-rounded universities in the nation.(478个字数)

Just click on NEW THREAD when you want to post a new thread. It is in the upper right after you click on a topic.


This sentence is a weak start, because it does not help to tell the details about sevral months before or livng with a roommate who visited. Start with something important!


I usually tell people to omit mention of the great location, because it is such a weak argument compared to an argument about why the school is best for someone with your intellectual interests.

I see that you get to some excellent material in the 2nd half of paragraph 1. You should shave off the weak stuff at the start of that first para.

:-)