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Georgetown Essay: Summer Activity: My time in Kenya


joosunggrace 7 / 18  
Jan 15, 2010   #1
Essay #1: Discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, my hands grope for my glasses and I sit up to look at my clock. When I don't see the familiar blinking of my alarm clock, my eyes flare open. Oh yeah, I wasn't in my comfortable room back home in California, but rather, the small community center in Masailand, Kenya. The jittering in my stomach from yesterday continues as if it had never left. Today would be the first day of teaching here in Africa. Judging by the sun that was just starting to peek out from Kenya's rugged mountains, it should be around 5 AM. I swing my legs from the small cot that I had been sleeping on and go to wake up the other team members. We would have a staff meeting in an hour.

As a 14 year-old, I was the youngest member of our 8-member team of college students in Kenya sent to teach English. So, when the head director appointed me as leader, I was shocked. It was true, that I had a bit of experience-I had gone to Thailand with the same organization to teach English and distribute supplies the summer before, and I had been helping out at the education center my dad had started since I was in the fourth grade. But, it didn't make any sense. How would I, a mere sophomore, be able to lead a group of college students, especially in a land that was completely foreign and unknown? But what was done was done, and worrying wasn't going to do me any good. I knew I had to find a way to gain the respect of my teammates, without giving out the vibe that I looked down upon them and felt superior to them just because I was the team leader. This would be tricky. I've had my fair share of leadership positions in the past. I had taken charge, and, as the perfectionist that I am, tried my best to execute each and every one of my actions successfully. But this time, I had to learn how to play both roles: the junior [or youngest] of the group and the leader that needed to be recognized as a leader if I were to successfully navigate ourselves in such an unfamiliar environment and culture.

Keeping this complex task in mind, I hurry toward a small row of huts that would serve as our classroom. It's two hours before the start of classes, but little boys and girls can be seen slowly trekking up the hill, using long branches and sticks as canes. Some girls have siblings tied to their backs. Most have a small twig called "mswaki" protruding from their mouths, with which they use to brush their teeth. I smile at them as I head toward the small room where we hold our staff meetings. All the team members have already washed and gathered. I pass out the curriculum files that we had worked on for hours to develop at the California office. Today would be the first day to see how effective these lesson plans will be. Giving last minute instructions, I encourage my team members to do their best and to love each and every one of their students. "The focus of our team is to serve these children in whatever way possible. If it is education that they want, we'll give it to them. But don't hesitate to offer a hug or a smile if it is love that they thirst for." Adjourning the meeting, I realize that this would be the day when my leadership skills as well as all my preparation will bear fruit. Today would be my report card, and I hoped that I wouldn't do too badly. But all the sudden, I realized that I shouldn't be nervous. As a leader, a teacher, and a student who has yet to learn much more, I can only cross my fingers and rely on my training, wits, and my heart to serve those around me-not just in Kenya, but for each step that I take in my life.

ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME!!! PLEASE HELP ME CORRECT THIS ESSAY.. IT'S DUE TONIGHT BY 12 PM.. AND I'M NOT VERY SURE ABOUT THIS ONE... IT FEELS LIKE MY WRITING ISN'T VERY SOPHISTICATED. ... MY VOCAB IS TOO SIMPLE...!!!! HELP!
NW15 2 / 5  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
joosunggrace

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes (Rubbing my sleepy eyes?), my hands grope for my glasses and I sit up to look at my clock. When I don't see the familiar blinking of my alarm clock, my eyes flare open. Oh yeah, I wasn't in my comfortable room back home in California, but rather, the small community center in Masailand, Kenya. The jittering in my stomach from yesterday continues as if it had never left. Today would be the first day of teaching here in Africa. Judging by the sun that was just starting to peek out from Kenya's rugged mountains, it should be around 5 AM. I swing my legs from the small cot that I had been sleeping on and go to (Poor word choice, left to? thesaurus it) wake up the other team members. We would have a staff meeting in an hour. The staff meeting would begin in an hour.

As a 14 year-old, I was the youngest member of our 8-member team of college students in Kenya sent to teach English. So, when the head director appointed me as leader, I was shocked. It was true, that I had a bit of experience-I had gone traveled to Thailand with the same organization to teach English and distribute supplies the summer before, and I had been helping helped out at the education center my dad had started since I was in the fourth grade. But, it didn't make any sense. Never the less, it did not seem to make any sense How would I, a mere sophomore, be able to lead a group of college students, especially in a land that was completely foreign and unknown? But what was done was done, and worrying wasn'twas not going to do me any good. poor word choice, look up help in the thesaurus and use that instead I knew I had to find a way to gain the respect of my teammates, without giving out the vibegiving them the impression that I looked down upon poor word choice, delete or say in a better way them felt superior to them just because I was the team leader. This would be tricky. I'vei have had my fair shareAn ample amount? good opportunity to use a big word of leadership positions in the past. I had taken chargehave proven my leadership skills in the past , and, as the perfectionist that I ama little obnoxious, consider changing , tried my best to execute each and every one of my actions successfully. But this time, I had to learn how to play both roles: the junior [or youngest] of the group and the leader that needed to be recognized as a leader if I were to successfully navigate ourselves in such an unfamiliar environment and culture. However, I needed to learn to play two opposing roles...

Keeping this complex task in mind, I hurryhurried toward a small row of huts that would serve as our classroom. It's two hours before the start of classes, but little boys and girls can be seen slowly trekking up the hill, using long branches and sticks as canes. Some girls have siblings tied to their backs. Most have a small twig called "mswaki" protruding from their mouths, with which they use to brush their teeth. I smile at them as I head toward the small room where we hold our staff meetings. All the team members have already washed and gathered. I pass out the curriculum files that we had worked on for hours to develop at the California office. Today would be the first day to see how effective these lesson plans will be. Giving last minute instructions, I encourage my team members to do their best and to love each and every one of their students. "The focus of our team is to serve these children in whatever way possible. If it is education that they want, we'll we will give it to them. But don't hesitate to offer a hug or a smile if it is love that they thirst for." Adjourning the meeting, I realize that this would be the day when my leadership skills as well as all my preparation will bear fruit. Today would be my report card, and I hoped that I wouldn't do too badly. But all the sudden, I realized that I shouldn't be nervous. As a leader, a teacher, and a student who has yet to learn much more, I can only cross my fingers and rely on my training, wits, and my heart to serve those around me-not just in Kenya, but for each step that I take in my life.

I have to run out the door so I didn't have time to fully edit the last paragraph. Good essay topic and description. Add some more emotion to it. Talk more about how you felt and how the experience changed you. Also, never use conjunctions (can't, won't etc.) Definitely consult thesaurus.com for a few more smart words. GOOD LUCK!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 19, 2010   #3
Oh yeah, I wasn't in

Right here, you switch from present tense to past tense. You should keep it in the present tense:
Oh yeah, I am not in...

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes(Rubbing my sleepy eyes?)

Hey, I have to say, "Rubbing the sleep from my eyes" seems like a beautiful phrase to me. It is so poetic!!

We would have a staff meeting in an hour.

It would be okay to end the first pararaph with this sentence if you were writng a story, but they want you to write about

the significance to you of the school or summer activity

...so you should end the first paragraph with a sentence about why this actiity is meaningful.

You can do it!!

:-)

I have an interesting challenge for you. Try starting from here:
Giving last minute instructions, I encourage my team members to do their best and to love each and every one of their students. "The focus of our team is to serve these children in whatever way possible. If it is education that they want, we'll give it to them. But don't hesitate to offer a hug or a smile if it is love that they thirst for." Adjourning the meeting, I realize that...--- and then write a sentence about why this activity is so sigificant to you. then, complete a whole essay all about the way it is meaningful, the life-philosophy it represents, and what it has to do with your intentions for college and career.

This might be a great way to get the perfect essay.


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