Prompt: Briefly discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved. (approximately one-half page single-spaced)
school or summer activity influence
I joined Youth and Government (YAG) when I was a sophomore thinking it was another activity I could put on a résumé. In my early years of high school, I felt that public speaking was the epitome of suffering. I hated the idea of people staring at me in awkward silence. In my first year at YAG, I couldn't even talk. I remember presenting my bill to the people in Senate-the chamber I was assigned to-and with every sentence, I stuttered embarrassingly. After a while, it was something that I was able to overcome because I felt that through YAG, I was given a platform to voice out my ideas without it being ignored. I didn't want my bill to just "pass," I wanted people to talk about the issue I wrote about (which was minimum wage) and bring awareness to it.
Although hours of debates may be boring after a while, it exposed me to different issues in Hawaii. I was intrigued and my interest in current events and national and international affairs grew. Through YAG, I was able to realize that I had an interest in Political Science. I wanted to learn about the different topics that could affect how people, including myself will be affected by a specific action or policy.
Looking back, I now see YAG not as a program that creates mock legislation for the means of debate, but as a program that gave me the platform to speak about issues that I'm passionate about but also by uniting teens and experiencing real-life situations and teaching them that their opinions mattered. Today, I am proud to call myself a YAG delegate.
Current word count: 276Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Rj, since you explained that you hated public speaking, you need to provide a more convincing argument as to why you were attracted to the YAG. Simply saying that it would look good on your resume isn't going to cut it. First, tell the reviewer why you hated public speaking. Introduce the topic from that point of view. Then explain the underlying reasons as to why you decided to join the debate team even though the thought of public speaking did not appeal to you. Go beyond the "resume" mindset. Convince the reviewer that you had some pretty serious reasons that affected your decision to start with and stick with this activity. That part of your essay should be strengthened in order to create a stronger idea as to how and why this activity would have such a profound effect on you. Do not limit your presentation to "minimum wage". You are boxing yourself in that way. Speak of your experience with the team in a general sense. Discuss how you learned how to sell your ideas in order to gain the votes to carry your action through. Talk about how you learned to make deals that benefited the mock citizens of your state. Explain that this activity taught you the importance of negotiation skills when it comes to the political debate. Don't forget, you need to create a strong representation of how this activity affected you. Therefore, explaining that this activity helped you develop a skill that you can use confidently and to your benefit as a college student (as in negotiating a deadline extension with your professor or something).
Hey @Holt, I've made revisions to my essay. I appreciate the suggestions you made and I made the changes. However, putting the things you recommended made my essay longer than expected.
This is my current revision:
Growing up, I always felt that public speaking was the epitome of misery. I never appreciated talking in front of people because I felt as if the things I said weren't interesting enough and I couldn't live with the idea of people staring at me with their lifeless eyes. With every stare, I could only imagine the countless judgments and criticisms they have for me. In the beginning of my sophomore year, I wanted to conquer my fear of speaking so I joined the Youth and Government (YAG) program in my school where I had to write a mock legislation on an issue I felt passionate about and debate on it.
YAG taught me to ignore my fears of public speaking. As I waited for my turn to present my bill, I realized one thing: there will always be people against your opinions, but there would also be people that will your support your ideas. As I presented my bill, I remember stuttering in every sentence and talking with a paper of my talking points covering my face. I stood in complete uncomfort. However, it was something that I learned to conquer and through YAG, I became more confident. YAG gave me a platform to talk about the issues that mattered to me. I learned to use my voice to bring awareness to issues that affects everyone, including myself.
Preparing my bill wasn't easy. It required attention to detail and extensive research. We couldn't just write bills on topics based on our hunches; it had to be supported by facts and statistics. YAG taught me to choose my sources properly and how to look for information, which I believe will be beneficial in college. My first bill was amended in the sense that it benefits more people. For that, YAG taught me how the proper methods of negotiations and to what extent I must consider other options. YAG taught me skills that I could use in the future which is why it is so important to me.
It is 337 words long. How long is a half-page essay supposed to be? Could I get help shortening my essay?
