You have good themes/central ideas you're emphasizing in your essay, but I think you should rethink about how to elaborate on these. To me, it seems the focus of your essay is about your time with host parents, but you spend a whole paragraph writing an introduction that doesn't really link to what you're really saying. Although I get what you're trying to do with the beginning, I think you should maybe consider leaving out the first paragraph and start your essay beginning from "I was sad." Then, you have a much more concise essay, and you have more room to explain your trip (where were you living with your host parents?) and how it changed you. However, I really liked this sentence: "Obstacles must come our way otherwise no achievement can be attained." and that ties in more with your general theme, so maybe you should try incorporate it into your conclusion!
I now strongly believe that the more you dare, the furthest you get
Change furthest to
furtherOne has to have the strength to push away the fright of breaking down, I guess despairs impede us to keep trying. However they give the opportunity to discover, to bring into question our ideas and securities, carrying with it the only real satisfaction, which is made of failures and accomplishments.
Try break these sentences down - maybe try clarify what point you're trying to make? I'm a little confused as the first sentence does not really make much sense, and the following sentence stems from that sentence.Overall, good job! Keep working on it, you have a nice, personal feel to the essay that I'm sure will grab the attention of the AO as long as you make your ideas and experiences more clear.
PS. I visited Amherst, and it was amazing. Good luck! (: It would be great if you could check out my Williams essay