I would be able to enrich the diverse and inclusive community at the University of Colorado at Boulder because I am the type of person to initiate a conversation, establish a friendship, and intermingle with others regardless of their ethnicity. These are some personal qualities of mine that were shaped during my early childhood and interactions with others in my school community.
Rather than saying "I'm good because of ___, ___, and ____." I would start off with your story. By answering the question in the first few lines, you don't really separate yourself from other writers. Anyone can say "I like to talk to people no matter what they look like." But not everyone can tell the same story.
I also agree that this sounds "braggy." You make it sound like you would benefit the community because you would grace people with your conversations and friendship no matter their ethnicity.
I was raised solely by my mother in a community I 'd rather not live in but can't complain about because there were times when me, my mom, and three older sisters were virtually homeless and had to live with friends and other family members, until my mom received government assistance and was finally able to back on her feet.
I was raised by a single mother in a
(not so great) community. There were times when my three sisters, my mother, and I were virtually homeless, as we were rotating living with different friends and family members.
Nonetheless, I am grateful for my difficulties and hardships because they have made me the optimistic and humble (there are ways to say you're humble without saying humble, as this is sort of counterintuitive) person that I am today. Ultimately that's what sets me apart from the rest of the crowd. I never let my difficulties and hardships get the better of me.
Despite my
(hard upbringing) , I am grateful for my hardships because they have made me the optimistic person I am today.
You clearly have a lot to bring to Boulder, but, as others have mentioned, you don't go about detailing this in the best way possible. I also agree that you should break up your text, it's very hard to read in one chunk