Constructive criticism would be very much appreciated, thank you!
Prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I remember a time in 6th grade when I received a "D" on one progress report. My parents were not too comforted when I reassured them I would bring it up. Both they and I knew I had the potential to do better, I just needed the drive. After two weeks and a lot of hard work my grade rose to a "B." It was a pleasant surprise for my mom, and it surprised me too. It is one of the earliest moments where I realized the strength of my own passion.
My drive to do well kicked into gear in my sophomore year of high school. My friend suggested a college I would potentially be interested in. It grabbed my attention when I learned it offered both my educational and personal needs. It motivated me more than ever to do well in school. I chose my courses wisely and strove that much harder in the most rigorous classes I took, knowing that this college was on the line. My passion motivated me to do well right then, and taught me the importance and responsibility of my current actions.
My passion for art has defined me at my roots. I stimulated my creativity through drawing, writing poetry or stories, photography, and playing the piano. When I was ten I drew a character from my favorite T.V. show -- and at that moment fell in love with drawing. I have been drawing since, and during high school was even able to get two of my pieces in the --, a downtown festival-like gathering that showcases local artists' work. I began to play the piano when I was six, and wrote my first piece when I was thirteen. As much as writing the piece itself, I cherished and felt privileged hearing my mom hum my own songs. There was a pureness I felt and this indescribable excitement when I could create things with my own hands and satisfy others with my work.
I have always cherished relationships and never believed in the disposal of them. Finding a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" like a hobby did not interest me, and I never agreed with throwing relationships away and replacing them. In high school I knew it would be especially difficult, and it really drove me to work even harder on my relationships. I was first put to the test in 7th grade, when --, my best friend since 3rd grade, was moving to another city. I was a nervous wreck and feared the worst. But once she moved, we called each other everyday and made plans to see each other almost every weekend. It is now both our senior years in separate high schools, and we are still best friends. A more recent personal relationship I made was with --. It took me by surprise when I realized the difficulties of this type of relationship, but it did not discourage me in maintaining it. After a year and a half together he was already graduating, and moved out of town to his college this past summer. We met in 2009 and have stayed committed since. I made it a top priority not to take advantage of the relationships I made throughout life, despite the difficulties I faced. Seeing relationships this way has helped me grow and realize the full potential of and value in others.
My passion in the things important to me makes me who I am today. It has maintained my relationships with people, fueled my creativity and what defines me, and has motivated me to prepare for my future.
I have to agree with some of the generalities of the essay. It flows nicely, but I sometimes found myself wanting to know more. Maybe you can decrease the size of the essay, but include more. Regardless, your essay is informative on who you are and just needs a little change.
personally, i think you give a little bit of everything... i think it'll be better if you choose less subject to talk about, and explain them in more depth...
