Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons
did you learn?
getting subbed off
Almost everyone in Nepal wants to be a professional soccer player and I am no different than the others. Even practicing with my seniors didn't make me a perfect soccer player. I did have some good quality like ball control, vision, and passing but it was too little. Many may think that playing street soccer regularly would have improved my skills but I didn't improve up to the level I expected it to be. However, I did participate in different soccer tournaments. Among many soccer matches, for me one stands out the most.
When I was in grade eleven we had an inter department soccer match. We had to win that match to get to the next round. We the department of GSCE A - level had to play against the department of BiT (Bachelors in Technology). Three hundred people were watching the game and cheering us. The time on the clock was about to hit half hour mark. None of the team had scored. Then one of my friends got down the wing and crossed the ball. To my surprise, the ball came straight at me. The only thing I needed to do was hit the middle of the ball with some power and we would have been one goal up. I mustered all the power I had and shot the ball. Unfortunately, I mistimed my shot and the ball only travelled few yards forward and the keeper blocked the quite comfortably. The crowd immediately erupted and one of the people said, "What is he doing on a soccer pitch? He doesn't even know how to kick a ball." Then the keeper shot the ball and I started running towards my position.
As I was moving towards my position, I saw a few of my friends' face and as expected, they were angry at me. Why wouldn't they be? I just missed a golden chance to put us ahead. I had the chance to be the hero of the team but within a fraction of a second I turned into a villain. The play went on and soon it was half time. The referee blew the whistle and immediately our team captain came forward and said, "Prayush you are getting subbed off." I tried to convince him to give me a chance, but I couldn't change his mind. I sat down on a bench and watched the entire game.
As I sat on the bench, I kept thinking to myself whether another player deserved to start the game instead of me? What was the point of all those practice sessions when I cannot even shoot a ball properly? Was I the reason why we got out of soccer competition? The final whistle blew and we drew the game. I felt so miserable that I couldn't even talk and look my teammates straight in their eyes. Seeing my condition some of my friends tried to convince me and one or two friends entirely blamed the loss on my shoulders. I spent the entire car ride home tuning out my friends' words of consolation.
Days went by, months passed and so did one whole year. I was in grade twelve. The final squad for this year's inter department soccer tournament was announced. I was quite sure after my incident last year I would not be selected. To my surprise, I was in the team and I was starting the first game of a new campaign. The tournament started and I tried my best not to let my past affect my present. We went through the group stage but unfortunately, we lost in the semi and had to settle for third place. But this time our loss was not due to individual mistake but because the opponent were better than us. I felt very proud to have represented my department and going all the way to be third.
plz help !!!! deadline is approaching and what do I need to change ???
I would suggest that you start off immediately with the story of getting subbed off; it helps with getting to the point. Don't describe the situation, talk about your inner turmoil and what you felt. You don't have to actually give a description of what the game was about and between who either since they will only distract the reader from the point. You can explain the part in which you don't really do that well in a sentence as interjections.
Show, don' tell. Try telling the story like it is happening right here, right now to pull in your reader than describe it like a passing memory. Writing and grammar wise its fine but it is a bit slow and gets a bit boring as I eventually read it.
Eitherway, good luck!
