Deadline is Tomorrow. I need help asap with this very short essay, please! Suggestions and corrections are very welcomed, and thanks in advance!
How did you become interested in Gettysburg College?*
My Opportunity Grant scholarship adviser at the Education USA center at AMIDEAST Sanaa suggested Gettysburg to me as it is a top liberal arts school with excellent financial aid for international students. Her suggestion compelled me to explore the school's web resources, and the more I learned, the more interested I became. Outside the classroom, there are around 800 events yearly and 120 clubs and organizations, in addition to sports, where I look forward to developing myself intellectually and physically. In addition to pursuing International Affairs through Gettysburg's multidisciplinary curriculum, I look forward to various types of entertainment from Gettysburg's Ultimate Frisbee to the soccer team, Game Club and many other events.
Salah,
I'm not too great on the grammatical side so I'll stick to the content.
"I learned that I can achieve academic success while keeping up with my social life"
This can be true for any college, what does Gettysburg have that sets it apart from XYZ.
"there are around 800 events yearly and 120 clubs and organizations"
Mention one of those events or clubs and how you would like to take part
-I also see that there is a stiff character limit but I think its better to be specific about 1 or 2 things than being general about everything.
This is the sentence that needs some work:
Her suggestion compelled me to explore the school's web resources and learn more about it; the more I learned, the more interested I became.
I learned that I can achieve academic success while keeping up with my social life. --- you should write something else here; I don't think this is specific enough, but I bet you can say something that more accurately captures the social and intellectual atmosphere that seems to be at the school.
:-)
How about this? Does it look better?:
I tried to find something very unique about the school, but I think I couldn't find more than what I wrote above. I will submit this after I see your replies.
And thank you Kevin and Mahmood. Your suggestions are nice; good things to put in mind for all my future writings. Thanks!
I think it is better for you to write clearly in a simple and honest way
This is my final draft. What do you think about it? My friend told me to talk my academic interests to the answer as well.
And thank you Paridokht for your advice. I am writing honestly. Thanks!
Yes, it is good that you express what it is about YOU that makes this school right for you. Frisbee, IA, soccer, and game club. But add to this so that the reader can see a little about what your plan is. What is it that makes this school better for you than any other school? All schools have the stuff you mentioned. Is there a prof who has written articles that enlightened you about IA? Show how someone with your unique plan would be best prepared at this school. The essay is still superficial; show that you have a plan and that this school is part of it.
:-)
