This is my second essay for Prompt #1, because I don't think my other one really answered the prompt well and I think this one is more heartfelt.
Its 249 words long, and 250 is my limit, so not much more I could add unless I took stuff out. So yeah, any suggestions would be much appreciated!
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My world is a place filled with mystery and magic, with ghosts and gods and demons and dragons. My world is a place where nothing is impossible, and where men make a difference. My world is the literary world.
From the moment I had learned to read, I had been on a rampage. I would read more books than any of my classmates; while my friends would grimace at the thought of reading, I'd beam. I idolized characters like Chrestomanci, Odd Thomas, and Rand al'Thor. From these characters, I learned lessons school could never teach me, and developed an imagination I never would have otherwise.
Inspired by these tales of courageous heroes and cunning characters, it became my dream to lead a life never lived before. I don't want to settle for mediocrity, nor do I want to just get by. I wanted to use all my talents and knowledge, all of who I was, to do something great. Since I was especially influenced by the concepts of protecting others and wanted to bring balance to the world like the characters I admired, I've been gravitating towards a potential future in the justice system, possibly in a federal law enforcement agency or maybe as an attorney. And even though I know my plans could change at any moment, I also know that no matter what I do, I plan on living life in a way no one else can, so that I'll leave my own unique imprint on the world. My dream is to live a life worthy of being read, and maybe, just maybe, my life will inspire someone else to do the same.
I am having difficulty connecting how reading helped influence your dreams and aspirations. Why did reading lead you to want to go into the justice system? Is it because you always read about how good trumped evil in the end, and you want to bring justice to the world like the characters you read about?
From the moment I learned to read, I'd've been on a rampage.
I didn'tdon't want to settle for mediocrity, ornor do I just gettingwant to get by.
If you make the connection a bit stronger, I think you have a nice essay =).
Well I'm not sure you should say your dream is a world full of fictional creatures because it makes you seem a bit detached from reality (which is bad, since you want to go into law)
The conclusion is amazing. I really like this essay. It is short, but meaningful.
Okay so this is the essay as of now, i changed what i thought would help. All the suggestions were helpful, and helped me think critically about my writing. More will be happily appreciated!
The thing i'm slightly worried about is whether or not the second and third paragraphs transition well. Any suggestions as to how to help it flow better would be great!
where men make a difference
I hope you will change it to human.
I would prefer people. Never use men because of the gender thing in college, if you ask my english teacher, she would give you at least half hour of explanation...
human has man it right lol?
Okay thanks for the comments everyone but i submitted this essay a month ago, so I think its time to put this thread to bed.
