PLEASE MAINLY HELP ME WITH THESE:
1.cut down words(should be 500 words, now is about 600.)
2.see if it's clear-focused enough
any critics are welcomed!
At first, there were merely stares. Surrounded by the group of small ones, I stood still on the soccer pitch at the Olympic Sports Center, speechless. I had found myself face to face with China's first official Dwarf Soccer Team, a squad of sixteen players in their mid-20s, each standing about 1.3 meters tall.
At the time, I was in charge of the Beijing Teenage Press of the London 2012 Olympics, a journalism club organized by my school, hoping to explore the differences between the Beijing and London Olympics first-hand. Owing to unexpected visa issues, however, we were unable to travel to the Games. Therefore I redesigned the program as a series of interviews in Beijing. Slated to appear on Beijing Mobile TVs in city buses, the interviews would be a way for Beijingers from all walks of life to deliver their blessings to London. One of these interviews was scheduled with China's Dwarf Soccer Teamefore this, I had never met any dwarves in my life. And I had never expected that, in just one short day,I would learn a lesson about life that I'll never forget.
After a quick warm-up with them, they seemed to accept me as a companion. We sat on the pitch and started to talk. Off the pitch, they work as shadow play actors. And they formed this team due to their shared love for soccer. "We had played soccer at the parking lot of the shadow play theatre for a year. Later, Coach Xu noticed us and decided to form us into a real team. We started systematic training on the pitch of Tsinghua University." Said Peng, the captain of the team. On weekends, they gather at the Gold Soccer Boy Club at Olympic Sports Center. Because they are of a similar height with children, they hold friendly match every Saturday to help children players improve as ideal training partners. "There are many people who criticize Chinese soccer, but few do anything to make a difference. I think what we're doing is meaningful." They smiled.
As I talked with them about their great passion for soccer, I found that they loved to smile. But these were not sheepish smiles; they were the biggest and most confident smiles I have ever seen. I realized that they are not overwhelmed by physical limitations. They were instead what Mitch Albom might call "whole-hearted lovers of life" in Tuesdays with Morrie. "While I am on the pitch", Lin said, "I feel blessed to live my life to the full, simply put, it's just the right thing to do." For them, happiness is the consequence of personal effort. They have fought for it and insisted upon itHowever hard their life is, they have met it and lived it, lived it to the full. Within all the realm of life's choicelessness,we do choose how we shall live. They enabled me to deepen my awareness of what I have got and inspired me, therefore, to enjoy more meaningful life of purpose, passion and joy. A great life isn't handed to me, but starts with me, starts with discovering my values and my passions for life.
On the bus ride home I could not stop beaming. Their big brown eyes had sparked something inside of me, something I now see as passion for life. The dwarf soccer players are some of the most amazing, inspiring people I have ever met. They are dwarves, but I know they can be giants of life one day. I have faith in that.
At first, there were merely stares.Surrounded by this group , I stood still on the soccer pitch at the Olympic Sports Center, speechless. I had found myself face to face with China's first official Dwarf Soccer Team, a squad of sixteen players in their mid-20s, each standing about 1.3 meters tall.
At the time, I was in charge of the Beijing Teenage Press of the London 2012 Olympics, a journalism club organized by my school, hoping to explore the differences between the Beijing and London Olympics first-hand . Owing toDue to unexpected visa issues, however, we were unable to travel to the Games. Therefore I redesigned the program as a series of interviews in Beijing. Slated to appear on Beijing Mobile TVs in city buses, the interviews would be a way for Beijingers to express their views on the London games.from all walks of life to deliver their blessings to London . One of these interviews was scheduled with China's Dwarf Soccer Team; I had never expected that, in just one short day, I would learn a lesson about life that I'll never forget.
After a quick warm-up with them, they seemed to accept me as a companion. We sat on the pitch and started to talk. Off the pitch, they work as shadow play actors. And they formed this team due tobecause of their shared love for soccer. "We had played soccer at the parking lot of the shadow play theatre for a year. Later, Coach Xu noticed us and decided to form us into a real team. We started systematic training on the pitch of Tsinghua University," said Peng, the captain of the team. On weekends, they gathered at the Gold Soccer Boy's Club at Olympic Sports Center. Because they are of a similar heightwith as children, they hold friendly matches every Saturday to help children players improve as ideal training partnerstheir abilities . "There are many people who criticize Chinese soccer, but few do anything to make a difference. I think what we're doing is meaningful," You need to write who said this; you had, they smiled before; you can keep that general idea, but say [this person] smiled.
As I talked with them about their passion for soccer, I found that they loved to smile. But these were not sheepish smiles; they were the biggest and most confident smiles I have ever seen. I realized that they are not overwhelmed by physical limitations. They were instead what Mitch Albom might call "whole-hearted lovers of life" in Tuesdays with Morrie. "While I am on the pitch", Lin said, "I feel blessed to live my life to the fullest. Simply put, it's just the right thing to do." For them, happiness is the consequence of personal effort. They have fought for it and insisted upon it. However hard as their livesismay be , they have met it and lived it, lived it to the fulltheirs with perseverance and temerity . Within all the realm of life's choicelessness, We do choose how we shall live. They enabled me to deepen my awareness of what I have got , and inspired me, therefore, to enjoy a more meaningful life of purpose, passion and joy. A great life isn't handed to me, but starts with me, starts with discovering my values and my passions for life.
On the bus ride home I could not stop beaming. Their big brown eyes had sparked something inside of me, something I now see as passion for life. The dwarf soccer players are some of the most amazing, inspiring people I have ever met. They are dwarves, but I know they can be giants of life one day. I have faith in that.
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I think the focus of the essay is very spot on; there are a lot of grammatical errors, but the thematic portion of the essay is great, which is really what matters in the instance of college essays [though you should fix the grammar errors too]. Anyway, I'm not sure whether the essay is down to 500 words, but if you are struggling, take out unnecessary descriptive words, adjectives, and adverbs. They are generally flowery language that should be avoided. Succinct and laconic phrasing is preferred in these kind of essays.
But, good luck.
