A girl who loves engineering; WHAT motivated you to apply Rice Unversity?

Hi! This is my why school essay. I know there may be some grammatical errors or awkward expression. Thus, I appreciate any kind of help from you!

Besides, I don't know how to write a good conclusion to my essay. Some friends suggest that I could mention the admission officer who came to our school weeks ago to conclude my essay and to show my determination as well as passion to go into the Rice University.Is this a good idea or not?

If it isn't a good idea, I wonder how I should conclude my essay without cliche, and with creativity.
I really appreciate for your help since the deadline is quite soon :(
How did you first learn about Rice University and what motivated you to apply? (250 word limit)

A Styrofoam block, a bottle of glue, several battens. I , a ten-year-old girl, tried to transform materials into a model bridge. The dream of becoming an engineer seeded in my heart since then, and thrived when I asked for career suggestion from a current student in Rice University three years ago.

"A woman engineer? Strive for the best to be a Rice Owl!" What did "Rice Owl" mean? I started to search the information: that was the turning point of my life; my personal encounter with Rice University.

[...]

- It's never a good idea to mention that you met an admissions officer. It is an even worse idea to mention what transpired during that meeting. It would be like trying to name drop and exert influence over the opinion of the current admissions officer reviewing your application. My advice is, don't do it :-) Let your essay apps pass or fail on its own merits that way you won't feel bad if mentioning something that you hoped would have had a positive effect did not have any effect at all.


- Nicole, don't worry, I will help you polish this essay just like the others :-) We will polish this till it gleams in your eyes :-)

Now for the essay content itself. Nicole, will you be extremely angry if I ask you to revise the essay because this current version does not answer the prompt? The question being asked is


Discuss the meeting with the Rice student in great detail instead. Explain what kind of impact that meeting with her had on you. Tell us about the things that she told you about the university, its academy and student community. What image did that conjure in your head about your future at the university? Among all the things that you learned about the university from the student, what was the information that had the most impact upon you that made you decide to apply to the university ?

Those are the kinds of information that will answer the prompt and will help to create a positive image of yourself with the admissions officer.

By the way, to answer a question you posed in a previous thread, you will learn about creative writing in college. It is actually something that is taught at the high school level in most American high schools but since you did not go to an American high school, you may need to enroll in a creative writing class or two in college as an elective if it is not offered as part of the course curriculum but is offered as an optional course instead :-)

Hi, Vangiespen. Actually, I did not have a face-to-face meeting with that Rice student.
Therefore, i need to contruct the scene with imagination. Could you give me a template for my intro paragraph?
I would try to further revise on that template.
I appreciate for your help!:)

Nicole, I will need information from you in order to construct a template since I was not present at the meeting. If you can give me the necessary information such as how you met the student and what discussion transpired, I should be able to come up with something for you. Since this was not an actual meeting, it will be a very bad idea to create a scene for it. Instead, I am envisioning how I can take the scene as it happened to you and then make it interesting to read about. I may be able to come up with some suggestions for the introduction treatment when I hear more from you about it. Give me any and all the information that you think I should know about the meeting you had so that I can develop a idea of how it might have transpired and how to translate that into the essay :-) I look forward to that post from you soon. Time is running November 1 is practically around the corner so we have to move fast :-)

Hi, Vangiespen.
Actually, our meeying started on a chatting app. We talked about the atmosphere in Rice: all students and faculty are pretty nice. Students have easy access to do projects and collaborate with other students. The facilities for doing project are quite easy to access. And he discussed about the renowned engineering school in Rice University. Moreover, he told me about the brilliant scenes of the modern city, Houston, where Rice Universiy is located. He also talked about the great opportunities students have to interact with professors, lectures and other students.

I could only recall those information now.
Do those info enough?

wow, Rice U is a gooooood university, I think if it's your personal statement for your apply, you's better find a expert organization to revise your letter, that would be more wise.

Good luck!

Hey, I actually really like your essay, especially since you used really specific details. I do agree, though, that you should include some more background info. about what how you heard about Rice/ what encouraged you to apply. Good luck!

Hi Nicole :-) Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. Errands got in the way. I like the information that you provided. You should actually use that for the introduction part of your essay. This explains what motivated you to look into the course offerings and learning programs at Rice University in relation to your Engineering major. Build your essay around the chats that you had with the student and remember to focus on how you felt as you heard these things. Relate how it motivated you to look up the university online and how you continued to fall in love with the academic and social community of Rice through your research and chats. This will be a unique perspective on how a person can actually be motivated by a virtual environment into learning about a real university and what it has to offer its students. I believe that it could actually set apart your essay from the others and make it notable to the admissions officer. Would you like to give it a try by writing your introduction? I will of course be here to assist you every step of the way. I won't go anywhere until you get it polished :-)