A man sat at the table, strummed his guitar, and sang
of all things The Lion King.
Don't break parallelism here!
I don't know what inspired to sign up for swim team. As a child, I found the thought of putting my face in the water repulsive.Not to mention that Prestonwood was one of the best teams in the league.
You're not suppose to have a positive statement here. For example:
"I hate ice-cream. As a child, I found ice-cream to be repulsive. But Dairy Queen has the best ice-cream of all."
That makes no sense. I have to say:
"I hate ice-cream. As a child, I found ice-cream to be repulsive. Not to mention that ice-cream are too cold for anyone's good."
I always swim in the slow lane, and other people always passed me.
Last meet. Me, the clock, and the water.
I kinda get what you mean, but I think you should make the sentences more clear.
Overall, your essay answer the prompt. I feel like you could make your intro. stronger. Right now, it's kinda weak and doesn't really contribute much to the overall essay.
Good luck :) . Take a look at mine if you have time. Thanks!