Peer editing on my fashion institute of technology essay?
prompt: What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.) i want to major in fashion business management:)
How does a girl at a uniform clad school develop an interest in fashion? Although I attended a rigorous college preparatory school with my path predetermined to attend UC Berkeley, when that uniform comes off is when my creativity shines. I leave school and return home to my Barneys trend reports and flip through the glossy pages of Vogue and Bazaar.
While fate should have it that I spend half my time in unvarying fabrics, my life outside of school allows me to find a perfect balance between my business and creative sides. Through my internship with Cabi's (removing name for privacy) as an assistant stylist I was able to learn valuable aspects of fashion business. I helped in the production of home trunk shows and aided customers in choosing the most flattering pieces to purchase.
School and working at my local sushi bar have prepared me to problem solve and communicate effectively. Running around serving green tea and extra wasabi has taught me how to handle impatient customers and how to deal when situations go wrong. I have learned aspects of fashion business from this job, even if it is only Asian cuisine.
Second to oil, fashion and textiles is the most polluting industry in the world . In the future, I would like to create a sustainable business model to avoid the demise of children working in the factories. Through my volunteer work with the abused kids at (name of shelter), I am able to empathize with the kids who were harmed when the incident at Rana Plaza occurred. Never should such a terrible tragedy be repeated; something that brings immense joy to people worldwide should not cause harm.
In addition to my creative and academic sides, I also bring a unique perspective on the current standard of beauty in the fashion industry. Standards of beauty have become more ethnically accepting but need to progress into being more accepting of the various body shapes. Having had my own struggles in this, I have empathy and an understanding of what women and men are going through. The fashion world needs to be more inclusive in order for the business to prosper and expand. If fashion is to dress humanity, then all of humanity must be included.
As a student I would want to utilize all the resources available to me. I am highly interested in taking advantage of the Internship Center and gaining real world experience, possibly through the summer internship program in London. I am also enamored by the prospect of studying abroad in Florence and getting a chance, similar to those of past FIT students who have attended, to meet world renowned designers such as Ferragamo. Having had the opportunity to do an extensive amount of travel growing up, one thing no that stands out to me on every trip is how different each culture's fashion is. From the vibrantly dynamic glamour of Hong Kong to the earthy and culturally rich style of Cape Town, the varying fashions of the world entice me.
I hope by this time next year I am on your campus, taking the first steps to achieve all that I have stated above. After ten years of uniform life, I am ready to put it away. Now is the time for my creativity to take flight!
Hi Taytay,
I have some suggestions to your writing, hope this can help.
Although I attended a rigoroustough college preparatory ...
when that uniform comes off is when my creativity shines.this sentence too ambiguous and not understandable.
I leftfinished school and...
While fate should have it that Itook me tospend half my time in unvarying fabrics..
my life outside of school allowsmy life experiences allow me
Second to oil, fashion and textiles isfashion and textiles are the most polluting industry in the world after the oil sector.
Good luck!
