Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? (Maximum: 250 words)
the It Girls
After the It Girls Overnight Retreat, I knew Syracuse was the place for me. When I first walked on campus, I had no idea what information technology even was; yet, after sitting through the "Code like an It Girl" class and the Synchrony interactive workshop, I dropped my intended major of accounting and decided to I want to pursue information management and technology instead. I would much rather code a website using python or work with a team, like the one I was in during the Synchrony interactive workshop, to put together different designs to make an app and program it so that it works effectively for users. At Syracuse, I would not only learn how to code like a pro, but also study abroad in the AsiaTech program and learn from the world's most successful technology organizations.
In addition, it has helped me realize that being a girl in the IT field is not so bad when surrounded by others who have the same interests as you and support you. Gaining membership to the It Girls Alumnae Group would provide just that. I would not only be able to learn different aspects of large corporations such as General Electric and that would help me further my career in IT, but also create a sisterhood between It Girl alumni that lasts a lifetime. I would also get the chance to host an It Girl Overnight Retreat and help girls that are undecided and have no idea what they want to be later in life just like I was.
This essay is 7 words over the word limit so any feedback on content, grammar, spelling, etc. is appreciated :)@Tajonae13
I think overall you have a great essay and a great approach. However, there are a couple errors. For instance:
Your 3rd line: "I dropped my intended major of accounting and decided to I want to pursue...."
Also, I thought maybe, every time you were referring to an organization or a program that you have it separated with either commas, or quotations
Lastly, in your second paragraph, you might want to fix the sentence that reads, "I would not only be able to learn different aspects of large corporations such as General Electric and that would help me further my career in IT, but also create a sisterhood between It Girl alumni that lasts a lifetime."
@Tajonae13
Hi Tajonae13,
Congratulations on your passion in the IT area, specifically computer programming.
As was pointed, there are grammatical errors in your essay that you need to work on.
And also, I guess there are similar organizations/activities like "It Girls Overnight Retreat" in other universities as well but how was it different than others that it "influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?"
There are also some parts that refer to your expectations from Syracuse University (like "At Syracuse, I would not only learn how to code like a pro, but also study abroad in the AsiaTech program and learn from the world's most successful technology organizations.") rather than "influencing you to apply to Syracuse University?" which to me are not relevant to the prompt.
@Shraf39
So do you want me to put quotations around "It Girls Overnight Retreat"? I am a bit confused about your feedback.
