Giving back to society and making a difference. Personal statement for university scholarship!

Personal Statement (Describe an outstanding achievement or highlight something you are passionate about):

human intelligence advantage

I am passionate about giving back to society and making a difference. One of my principles in life is to make positive impacts in this world in my lifetime. I was inspired by an article about how life is like a candle that will ultimately burn to ashes, but the only difference between the candles is the legacy one leaves behind. Thus, I set my mind to live my life meaningfully by helping people whenever I can.

In Junior College, joining the Red-Cross-Humanitarian-Network has exposed me to many opportunities for volunteer and community work. I've volunteered as a first-aider in various school events and external events like First-Aider-On-Wheels. We were also involved in community work like visiting the elderly home.

Since then, I could better appreciate how helping others could be so enjoyable, as I realised that I also have the power to make a change. The fact that people can benefit from my help is not the only reason why I like volunteering. Helping those in need also serves as a reminder for myself to live with gratitude, which is important as it enables us to be optimistic and feel contented with life. Moreover, I believe that giving and receiving is an invisible cycle. As long as I have the ability, I wish be the one starting a cycle of kindness, helping many others along this cycle. Hence, knowing that helping people and giving back to the society is beneficial to both myself and others, it is something that I am very passionate about.

In addition, I am passionate about lifelong learning. I could identify closely with this quote by Michel Legrand, "The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know." Going through the school years, I realised that there are a lot of things that I didn't know beforehand and knowledge has no boundaries. With a rigid syllabus to follow and important examinations at stake, we, students, tend to forget about the presence of this huge sea of knowledge that is constantly expanding. However, we can actually find joy in exploring this knowledge. Personally, I enjoy learning beyond textbooks, so I'd research on certain topics online after classes. Although I am a science major, it's always interesting to learn more about this world, regardless of the branch of knowledge.

Besides, I think we are at an advantage compared to animals. With human intelligence, we have the cognitive abilities to learn, form concepts, and apply logic. So, it's a privilege to be able to understand the world better than animals, and I hope to make good use of this privilege. My goal in lifelong learning does not only apply to academic knowledge, but also other things, such as hobbies and skills. I find that as we pick up new skills, what we are learning is not just the skill itself, but we can also learn other values from it. For instance, when I learned how to play netball with my classmates, I understood that we need to cooperate as a team and support each other to play the game well.

Dear Jasmine,

When writing academic texts you should avoid contractions, for example: I've --- I have

I am passionate about giving back ...

These words are vague and vacuous, driving home a single idea in many more words than needed. This is an idea that many applicants are probably writing about in some way, so you'll want to lend a unique voice to it right from the start.

I was inspired by an article about ...

I'm a bit confused.

With a rigid syllabus to follow and ...

This is a nice idea, but I think it could be improved by specific examples.

Overall, I feel like this essay is distinctly two-pronged, and it might be confusing when these two distinct ideas (helping others, expanding knowledge) aren't explicitly connected. It feels more like a list of your passions than a cohesive exploration of who you are. Sorry if this was harsh! I wish you the best!

Min, since this is a scholarship application essay, it would be best if you can connect your passion with something that the scholarship identifies with. You see, these scholarships look for specific traits and abilities within their candidates that best reflect the ideals of the foundation. In this instance you should focus more on the civic aspect of your passion since this is written in personal statement form. A personal statement, even when prompt specific should be used to show a non-academic passion on your part because the reviewer should get to know what else you like doing other than studying. Answer the question, "What makes you a good person?" And that will show your passion. A person cannot be passionate about multiple causes, even if they are inter-related. Focus on a singular passion that tires in with the requirements of the scholarship and your social interests. If necessary, then include an academic aspect to your presentation. Pick just one true passion and develop from there.

it's better not to use contraction for academic writing, the contraction shows that this is an informal writing.

i think overall of your essay are good intend to show that you are social person who always notice the environment, but you have to make it clear. what will you do next, i mean what the concrete things you will do after you've got the university scholarship. make them convince that with this scholarship university you will make the better impact for your social environment by doing something simply but take the good effects.

good job, fella.. keep on going!