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'the global business network' - Penn supplemental

mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
[b]TOPIC: Required for all applicants: Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community?

What is business? Some say it is about changing the world, while others argue that it is about making money work.

I have always asked myself this question, though I have never actually been able to evoke neither meaningful nor complete responses. I just know there is more to it than a simple sentence.

I am someone who constantly questions the world around us; I'd like to think that I am filled with intellectual inquisitiveness. See I don't know what the right answer to my question is, but I do know that I need to find out exactly what the word means. And I can with confidence say that I know my answer lies deep within the realms of the Wharton School of Business.

I look around at the global business network, and two names standout: Donald Trump and Michael Adler. Unsurprisingly both of these highly respectable personnel are graduates from the Wharton School, firstly they are both world leaders and secondly they are people who understand what the word "business" means, but what they have both done rather differently which captivates me is they have tailored its meaning in such a way to match who they both are as human beings. They are both the kind of person I hope to someday turn into, someone who can confidently say, "I get it, it works for me".

When I look at the Wharton School, I am inspired by one name and one name only quite frankly: Mr. Stewart Friedman. Now I'm not much of a reader but after having read Mr. Friedman's, "Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life" I am moved, I am motivated, I become attracted to his teachings and methods. Mr. Friedman certainly is no ordinary man, he is somebody special, only in Wharton will you find such personnel. He is somebody that I know I must learn from in order to succeed in my quest for answers. I yearn to be apart of the Wharton's Work/Life Integration Project, its where I belong, its where I need to be.

I look at the large family that is University of Pennsylvania and I use to wonder where I could fit in. But now I don't even worry. The image of my low animated voice being heard at discussions held as part of "The Marketing Undergraduate Students Establishment (MUSE)" club is in operation. Being engrossed in a group of marketing enthusiasts like myself, where each person gets their voice heard, where students are able to learn from one another enthralls me. In addition, I can't wait to join the Phi Gamma Nu fraternity house. Where I actually get the chance to be a part of a community of business executives. I can already picture the many discussions to be had, and all the laughter to be shared, I can actually see myself being a part of something of that sort.

I am yet to conjure an answer to my earlier question, but I do know that Penn is a family I want to be a part of, a place where I want to learn and discover, a place where I want to lead and become.
Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
1. you showed doubt at the very beginning!! c'mon...there are 2 mistakes during essays equal to a suicide, a. in why us essay, you tell them you like the university because of its ranking 2.in which major you choose essay, you tell them that you have chosen a specific major because of its pay...

2. in the para you tell your inquisitive...give them a solid example...show not tell...and the example of inquisitiveness you gave in the 1st para seems very boring and above all...dangerous...again don't even HINT that you are choosing a business major because of its dollar value....

3. everything was beautiful from the 3rd para and onwards...and by the time i got to the ending...i was kinda jealous... great work!!

please, if you can, comment on my common app essay

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