I've exceeded the word limit by 186, and I tried really hard to make this essay perfect. Can someone please give me a detailed explanation on how to improve on it? Not happy with this at all. Thanks.
For all of my life, I have lived in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia. Malaysia is a country that one could consider a melting pot of nations and it is very culturally diverse. By defining diversity, I mean Malaysia is a multiracial country, filled with Malays, Chinese and Indians. You can see the difference in culture from the way people communicate right up to the delicacies that is offered. The progress in this country over the last three decades has been tremendous in terms of infrastructure and economy. It is proven by having, now, the sixth tallest building in the world, Petronas Twin Tower.
Having had my early education in a public school, and later in private schools, I have seen the diversity, diversity in terms of racial diversity and also diversity of opinions. Students coming from different strata of society and how their confidence is embedded within them. The most prevalent factor I see in them, regardless of their ethnicities, is the need to succeed and achieve. The changing environment has created a society that strives to excel.
To cope with the growing demands of the continuing and changing environment that we live in, we need to equip ourselves with instruments of success. Education is certainly the most important tool for that. It requires one to be moulded in such a way that one is knowledgeable, adaptable, confident, and able to excel in any given environment.
My greatest achievement would be to equip myself with this well-rounded knowledge, accompanied by the distinction of securing a distinctive qualification from the university that is known to be an all-rounder. It is about what GWU has to offer. It will open up the doorstep to my dreams in working in industries that is known to be a financial hub. Leaving my home and going halfway around the world to a university like George Washington is a desire that I wish to fulfill. It will help me understand more about the global economic structure considering the global financial system is heavily reliant on the U.S.
In my pursuit for knowledge and especially in the field that I seek as my career, which is none other than finance, it is only natural for one to gain the knowledge required in the most prevalent and successful environment.
The diversity of financial institutions that exist in the environment that I seek will certainly give me the advantage and a head-start in life. The success of the financial sector of such an environment can only be realized by sound educational institutions that produce the required labor market to man and further expand this successful environment. Knowing that I have a chance to work with these exemplary financial institutions if I become a GW alum is an extraordinary feeling.
Hi Nair,
I am suggesting you a modification
For all of my life, I have lived in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia. Malaysia is a country that one could consider a melting pot of nations and it is very culturally diverse. By defining diversity, I mean Malaysia is a multiracial country, filled with Malays, Chinese and Indians. You can see the difference in culture from the way people communicate right up to the delicacies that is offered.
Instead
For all of my life, I have lived in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia. Malaysia is a country that one could consider a melting pot of nations and it is very culturally diverse .A typical Malaysian society with Chinese and Indians experiences the diversity and versatility right from the way people communicate to the delicacies that is offered.
I don't know how much useful my comment could be to you.
All the best .
I've exceeded the word limit by 186
Here's some help for trimming down your word count;
For all of my life, I have lived in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia. Malaysia is a country that one could consider a melting pot of nations and it is very culturally diverse. By defining diversity, I mean Malaysia is a multiracial country, filled with Malays, Chinese and Indians. You can see the difference in culture from the way people communicate right up to the delicacies that is offered. The progress in this country over the last three decades has been tremendous in terms of infrastructure and economy. It is proven by having, now, the sixth tallest building in the world, Petronas Twin Tower.
All my life I lived in Kualar Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia which is a country of high cultural and ethnic diversity. Malays constitute the majority community while Chinese and Indians are minority communities. The effects of multiculturalism in Malaysia can be observed from the dialects to delicacies.
The country made a remarkable progress in terms of economic and infrastructure development during last three decades. One the tallest and now the sixth tallest towers in the world, Petronas Twin Towers is a classic example for Malaysia's tremendous development.