Hi everyone! Please, check my essay for the Global UGRAD Program. I still write my essay and it would be really great, if you give me some advice and critical point of view. Thank you in advance!
Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?
Five cities, dozens of platforms, hundreds of listeners. This is the number of places and people to whom I spoke as the Ambassador of my University. In addition, I was a consultant and manager of the Admission Office.
Now let's go through everything in order. When I Speaking to high school graduates and telling them about the importance of choosing the right University and opportunities in the capital, I was overwhelmed with different feelings.
On the one hand, it is a feeling of pleasure, because you see the burning and inspired eyes of the audience, on the other hand, there was a sense of great responsibility, because I understood that I have an impact on the future choice of young people.
And in whole that time, I realized one thing, I love to inspire people. And the whole point of life, in my opinion, is to help people realize themselves.
Having visited small towns and villages of Kazakhstan as a representative of my University, I saw a lot of smart and talented guys with great potential, but some of them were sitting without fire in their eyes. Because it seems to them there that it is impossible to achieve any success in this life or the country. I think the reason for this is the environment that puts pressure on them and the inappropriate conditions that their educational institutions provide for them. Therefore, I have a great desire to help these guys, to help them to realize, to believe in themselves, to show that now in our time everything can be achieved on their own and knowledge. The least I want to help them is to inspire them.
But I am well aware that, first of all, I need to fully realize myself and learn many things. That's why I'm applying for the Global UGRAD program, as spending a semester in the US is an excellent opportunity to develop the skills and abilities of the student.
The opportunity to gain international educational experience is an extremely important aspect for me. Because on arrival in Kazakhstan, I plan to complete an internship and continue to work in the international company EY (Ernst&Young) as a lawyer. Therefore, the knowledge and skills that I could get in the United States will be very necessary, as the law schools of America are among the best in the world.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,591 4458
Auyelbek, you are not really convincing the reviewer that you will be a good candidate for this program because you are focusing on only one aspect of your life. While this essay is riddled with good intentions and examples, it is weak when it comes to justifying other considerations. Try to convince the reviewer that you are a good candidate for the program based on your :
1. Character strengths - What makes you a good person?
2. Social strengths - shorten the current essay presentation to one paragraph.
3. Academic interests in relation to the program
4. What you hope to learn from your semester abroad
5. What talents, skills and diversity considerations you can bring to the program
6. How all of these combine to create the perfect student participant in the program
7. What you hope to learn about America during the program
8. What you hope to teach your countrymen about America upon your return.
You have to make sure that you are depicting yourself in several manners to make sure that the reviewer gets a strong idea of your character and possible contributions that makes you a strong candidate for the program.
thank you so much for your advices, but don't you think that all of your list will not fit in the requirements for the number of words?
I also added one paragraph, can you please give me feedback?
Since childhood, I have always studied other countries, different culture, different way of life. It would be an incredible experience to meet and make friends from all over the world. When I participated in the international educational exhibition of universities, I came to each table of foreign universities to talk to them about the features of their country, to learn their specifics of education. I am very interested in several universities, in particular Columbia University, and in the future I plan to enter there for a master's program. I also think it would be an interesting experience for me to share the features of the educational system of Kazakhstan in the United States and to establish partnerships in the field of education between our countries.