South Korea has not garnered much attention from the world.
Well, it got my attention when I saw the film Oldboy. What a great film... also, when I learned about taekwondo and its historical development, I though about how cool Korea is.
Hahahaha, vanilla is not boring to someone who is always seeing nothing but strawberry. Eat a lot of strawberry, and vanilla is a welcome change.
Great example, though. I like the way you write.
Let's give this last sentence another comma to make it powerful:
I am confident that, when I plunge into that massive sea that is the world, New York University will teach me how to swim.
I like everything about it! I search and search for ways to improve it because I want to benefit you, but you already did great. Who could read this and not be impressed?
I hope, though, that you'll find room to write about your plan for mastering a particular field and making a big splash as you begin your career. Give the reader a glimpse of your future.