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"globalization should not open gap between rich and poor" - (an issue of importance)


7ouda123 1 / 1  
Oct 18, 2010   #1
The essay is:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

I was worried about it being too long or being a bit off topic. All opinions appreciated

When you walk into a shop and find fancy imported foods and cosmetics or when you walk into a food court and find Chinese, Indian, or American fast food restaurants you should know this is because of Globalization. Globalization has increased international trade which gives the residents of some countries the opportunity to enjoy products which they may have never experienced if it hadn't been for globalization. Globalization has brought the world together to create a world with no boundaries.

Globalization has greatly affected my generation and the way we live. For example Globalization has made it easier for people to migrate around the world. This has opened new doors to employers and job seekers as well. People from poor countries have been traveling to America and Europe in search of higher wages and better living conditions. While this has helped employers, it has hurt the citizens of the richer countries as their jobs are being taken by immigrates from the developing countries.

Globalization has lead to better technologies which has lead to better means of communication. This will result in even more technological advancements as intellectuals, journalists, and scientists will be able to communicate easily and work together. Unfortunately this ease of communications between countries will also mean that bad ideas like drugs and pornographic videos will be easier to spread.

Globalization has led to many cultures being modified and the whole world is turning into a westernized civilization. Globalization has shown us all the different cultures in the world and some of the younger people have been abandoning their own cultures and are trying to change the way they live to be more like westerners. This will undoubtedly lead to the end of multiculturalism and will destroy each country uniqueness and identity.

Globalization supposedly helps the developing countries "catch up" with the more advanced countries as is obvious with China, India, and Japan emerging as extremely powerful countries. Globalization has helped them sell their products around the world making them rich and powerful countries. On the other hand some countries have not developed and are suffering from globalization. They cannot compete with the other countries that have stronger industries that produce better products for cheaper products and since Globalization increases the competition around the world resulting in the consumers seeing the different products and prices which may lead to the decline of some industries and this results in unemployment problems in the weaker countries and might create a bigger gap between the developed and developing countries.

In the end Globalization, like any other thing in the world, has a good and bad side and it should be controlled and used wisely to avoid opening a bigger gap between the rich and pour countries.
vladic007 9 / 22  
Oct 18, 2010   #2
I really enjoyed reading your essay.
You must try to be less critical towards the "westerners". If you are planing to apply to a university with this essay, it could sound quite wrong.

The structure and the grammar are at a high level. Just some minor mistakes, but they aren't noticeable.
Overall it's a really good essay.

p.s. try to lower the tone of the essay.
OP 7ouda123 1 / 1  
Oct 19, 2010   #3
thanks man il try to work on it!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 22, 2010   #4
comma:
When you walk into a shop and find fancy imported foods and cosmetics, or when ...

Globalization has greatly affected my generation and the way we live. For example Globalization has made it---- I think you are repeating the word globalization too many times! :-)

Finally, at the end of the essay I see that you make a theme: it has good and pad aspects. You should introduce this theme at the beginning of the essay.

Instead of repeating globalization so many times, call it other things. You can find clever ways yo refer to it. It is a process of "shrinking," for example. The world is shrinking. Also, you might want to cite the work of Thomas Friedman, who has written a lot about Globalization.

:-)
thewykemist 1 / 5  
Oct 22, 2010   #5
I think the spelling error in the last sentence detracts a bit from the climactic conclusion...
Moonshadow0302 - / 68  
Nov 10, 2010   #6
I don't see where he has been critical of westerners, in fact to me it seems that the essay is about how globalization is better for "developing" countries, who can enjoy products from "developed" countries, can migrate and take up jobs in those countries and overall improve their standard of living, while the "westerners" don't seem to have got much out of it lol

By the way, does anyone know what the word limit for this essay is? Some people have posted essays that are 1400 words long, while others have stopped at 500 words.


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