GMU -In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community through your participation in one of the activities you listed under ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP on this application. This personal statement is required. Since you are applying online, you must submit your statement with this application in the space provided.
Whoosh. Her bright pink ball flew through the air; it landed, wobbling on the rim. The ball hesitated for a second and fell in. She did not move, except for the smile that quickly illuminated her face. It was something that seemed impossible for her. But, she had done it. Shooting a basketball, for most people, is usually insignificant. However, for Maria and me it meant the world.
Ever since I found out that my younger sister was on the spectrum of autism, I've volunteer in anyway I can to help children with special needs. My town's little league program created a special sports team, called The Holland Division. This team gave children with physical and mental disabilities the opportunity to experience a variety of different sports. On weekends I volunteered at our local gym to help supervise the teams and work with the children.
The first day we were paired with our teammate. A little girl with short black hair and glasses came up to me, latched on to my hand and did not let go. She turned to me and whispered "Maria". The one obstacle she wanted to achieve was to shoot a basketball. I promised her if she worked hard, she could. Every Saturday she came prepared with her bright pink ball; determined to make the shot. As the weeks passed, we practiced on position, shooting and confidence. To see her development and attitude change in a positive manner, showed me how much of a difference I was making in her life.
At the next team meet, Maria had made the shot she had been striving for. To experience how ecstatic she was about something so small, gave me a new sense of appreciation for the little things in life. Participating in the Holland Division revealed how hard these children have to work on a daily basis just to accomplish things that many of us take for granted, giving me a sincere admiration for them. Through this contribution I have learned to accept difficult situations, persevere and appreciate the life one is given.
Ever since I found out that my younger sister was on the spectrum of autism, I've volunteered in anyway I can to help children with special needs.
I really like this. You sound like a compassionate, selfless person and colleges will definitely like that.
It was something that previously seemed impossible for her,b ut she had done it.
Shooting a basketball, for most people, is usually insignificant. However, for Maria and me it meant the world. - This sentence is too choppy... here is a suggestion
For most people, shooting a basketball is usually insignificant, however, this accomplishment was priceless.
Ever sinceWhen I found out that my younger sister was on the spectrum of autism, I started to volunteer in anyway I cancouldin order to help children with special needs.
ToThe opportunity to see her development and attitude change in a positive manner,
Through this contribution I have learned to accept difficult situations, persevere and appreciate the life one is given. Love this! Great job!
any one else have any other suggestions??
anything at all would be great.
This team gives children with disabilities... (unless the team already ended or vanished). I could not find any other mistakes than this. It is a reallyyy, reallyyy, reallyy gret essay. It almost made me cry. It tells MUCH about yourself and the universities love that! Great way of writing as well, very smooth and precise.
By the way, sorry to bother, but your post on my Georgia Tech Essay was weirdly removed, so if you could please re-post it or re-correct my essay I would appreciate it much... Really sorry to bother you :(, I know you are busy too! Thanks a lot in advance! :)
Mind blown away. The essay was flawless, I did not find any faults to it. It is clear and compassionate, and it says a lot about you as a person, which universities love.
Best of luck at GMU!
thank you, that means so much! (:
So, will you help me again in my essay :(! Im running out of time, if not just reply to me and say that you have no time... I'll understand! xD Thanks a lot in advance! By the way, I'm really impressed at your writing I can't get enough of your essay... it's great!
On the first day we were paired with our teammate.
The one obstacle she wanted to achieveovercome was to
To see her development and attitude change in a positive manner, showed me how much of a difference I was making in her life.
At the next team meet, Maria had made the shot she had been striving for.
To experience how ecstatic she was about something so small, gave me a new sense of appreciation
Other than these minor grammatical corrections I think this is a great essay! Especially your introduction is really interesting. The only thing I was a little confused about was your transition to the second paragraph. I thought that Maria was your sister until you clarified in the 3rd paragraph. I would maybe move that part of the 3rd paragraph up to the second paragraph to minimize confusion.
Hope this helps!
