Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


"my goal of becoming a cardiologist" - Columbia supplement


NissanHaque 3 / 10  
Oct 31, 2010   #1
My application is due in a few hours and i'd really appreciate some help

the prompt is:
Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why (in 1500 characters).

While eating lunch on the steps of the Low Library with a couple of old friends who now attend Columbia, I noticed the astounding degree of intellectual thinking and involvement that defines the school. I imagined being in the midst of such a vibrant and intellectual community while working towards my goal of becoming a cardiologist. Columbia offers innumerable opportunities that cater to all of my interests, academic or otherwise. Classes in Columbia's renowned Core such as Classical Civilizations and Frontiers of Science would greatly complement a more science-intensive premedical curriculum. Merely sitting in on one core class has already allowed me to gain different perspectives and put my studies in context with a dynamic world that is constantly changing. The SURF program would allow me to continue and delve deeper into my extensive research. The unparalleled diversity in the student body would allow me to further expose myself to other cultures, something I greatly enjoy learning about. I want to be a part of the history of leading innovations that Columbia has fostered. I can see myself contributing greatly to both the research at Columbia as well as the community. I can see myself attending dance rehearsals for the Bhangra team or being mentored by one of the Nobel laureates that constitute the elite faculty. I can see myself proudly wearing blue, both on campus and on the soccer field. I can see myself as a true Columbia Lion.

Should be around 1457 characters, so I don't need to cut it down.
ShadoPoig1 2 / 3  
Oct 31, 2010   #2
You sure you want to have "old" friends in there if you're still hanging out?
Do you want to make "sitting in on" "auditing"? It might sound more professional...

That's actually really great though. Best of luck!
Izzy615 2 / 2  
Oct 31, 2010   #3
i really liked the repetition at the end of the essay and tying in everything you hope to do in college it definitely made it seem like you've been thinking about seeing yourself there showing its appealing to you
draconlord 6 / 24  
Oct 31, 2010   #4
The ending is a tad weak, and you might want to separate into paragraphs...

And your style is a bit boring.
Other than that, it's pretty decent.

Care to edit mine Columbia supplement?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 10, 2010   #5
noticed the astounding degree of intellectual thinking and involvement that defines the school.

I guess you already submitted this, but I wanted to mention an idea anyway, in case it helps you. "Intellectual thinking and involvement" are very vague. If you don't specify what you mean, it sounds like you are just throwing words around, the words you think the reader wants to hear. If you make a statement like this, it is best to back it up with an example to explain what you mean.

Columbia offers innumerable opportunities that cater to all of my interests, academic or otherwise. ---Here again, it is too vague to be meaningful.

BUT in the second half of the essay you give lots of good examples. I think the second half is very strong... and really, the whole thing is strong. I'm just nitpicking.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / "my goal of becoming a cardiologist" - Columbia supplement
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳