The prompt is to write something not in your application such as future ambitions, extracirriculars, unusual interests, etc. (max 500 words) I have space for another 150 words but I wanted some feedback first. I am more worried about the content, flow, and vocabulary rather than punctuation. Thank you!
Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by the idea of exploring the great big world that lies around us, I can remember the feeling of excitement as I boarded the plane with my dad the summer of my freshman year when we headed to Europe. I was so overjoyed that I was finally escaping the boundaries of my city and heading to greater things, after all, the world was so big and I had seen so little of it. Ever since then, I have been set on traveling around the world and immersing myself into the many cultures each country has to offer. While solely traveling does not provide the same benefits as a job does, one being money, paired with an education in medicine and a passion for helping the less fortunate, I know I can accomplish great things. Very few people get to experience the world before they die, I plan to be an exception. At the same time I want to share my knowledge and skill to benefit underprivileged people around the world. I have always been passionate about helping others and hope to put my skills to use. No individual, regardless of age or ethnicity, should be denied proper healthcare. It is my goal to provide those services and make people smile. The United States has advanced greatly in the field of medicine, however, not every country shares our benefits. People repeatedly take things for granted, never stopping to appreciate what they do have instead of what they don't. Lately people have been more obsessed with the latest iPhone or the newest computers, instead of the fact that there are children in some parts of the world dying of starvation, living without clean drinking water, sleeping on the streets. Most people would rather turn a blind eye to the situation than be faced with cold hard facts. I will not let those children down, I want to be there for them and anyone else who has no one to turn to. I want to make a difference.
I would add something about. I feel that going to this college will allow my goals ,dreams and ambitions to com to fruition. I will make a wonderful addition to this college as I am eager and ready to learn and make a difference.
Thank you for taking my application into consideration. I look forward to hearing back from the University
Otherwise I think it looks really great I would say good luck but it seems that you already have it..
Ever since I can remember I have been fascinated by the idea of exploring the great big world that lies around us, I can remember the feeling of excitement as I boarded the plane with my dad the summer of my freshman year whenas we headed to Europe. I was so overjoyed that I was finally escaping the boundaries of my city and heading to greater things seeking into an adventure,; after all, the world was so big and I had seen so little of ithas so much to offer .
Ever since then, I have been set on traveling around the world and immersing myself into the many cultures each country has to offerdifferent cultures and perspectives . While solely traveling does not provide the same benefits as a job does, one being money, paired with an education in medicine and a passion for helping the less fortunate, I know I can accomplish great things. Very few people get to experience the world before they die, I plan to be an exception . At the same time I want to share my knowledge and skill to benefit underprivileged people around the world. I have always been passionate about helping others and hope to put my skills to use. No individual, regardless of age or ethnicity, should be denied proper healthcare. It is my goal to provide those services and make people smilemake the world a better place . The United States has advanced greatly in the field of medicine; however, not every country shares our benefits [I totaly do not agree with this, Canada and South America have way better healthcare systems than ours, the medicine is so cheap and regardless of citizenship healthcare is free fore everyone and the best doctors are found there] . People repeatedly take things for granted, never stopping to appreciate what they do have instead of what they don'tdo not [never use conjunctions] . Lately, people have been more obsessed with the latest iPhone or the newest computers, instead ofignoring the fact that there are children in some parts of the world dying of starvation, living without clean drinking water lacking clean water, sleeping on the streets. Most people would rather turn a blind eye to stay in a world of fantasies instead of reality . I will not let those children down, I want to be there for them and anyone else who has no one to turn to. I want to make a difference.However, I am here and with the education that Organ University will give me with my past knowledge I will make a difference by helping those kids that have nothing, not even someone to turn to.
The essay is okay it is missing what you know, be specific like how to take the heart rate or something like that. Once you find that something that you learned write about it briefly as an experience and add what you learned from it, how it will help you, and why you loved it.
