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My goal is major in mechanical engineering and enhancing the unmanned technology, especially in cars


keyshop13 1 / -  
Dec 25, 2009   #1
Why are you considering Ohio State University? (engineering)

Hi I'm international student from South Korea and writing about why are you considering Ohio State University.
I need your guys help!
Here is my essay
Today, engineering become a most necessary subject for our society, and without engineering society just back to Stone Age.
By the fact, our society asks more engineers to keep this circumstance, but unfortunately students are avoiding study and work by an engineer so there are lack of engineers and make society depends on unmanned technology.

My goal is major in mechanical engineering and enhances the unmanned technology, especially in cars or military weapons and I make my mind to Ohio State University for achieve my goal.

I researched college by mechanical engineering and found several colleges, and among those colleges Ohio State seems like vigorous, has best engineering program and faculty.

Especially, I like undergraduate engineering Co-op and internship program. I think it's really helpful to students' career and give more chances to get their jobs. Even they are going graduate school they will have more experience than other students.

I guarantee while I'm studying in Mechanical Engineering Department in O.S.U, my knowledge will improve and can have better career than other college students.

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I think its little short and has grammar problem.
please give your guys opinion

tuna624 3 / 6  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
Hello.

I think it's a good start!
But in my opinion, you should separate a sentence, "My goal is major...and I make my mind to Ohio State University for achieve my goal." into two sentences

If you end the sentence with "...military weapons." and start with a new sentence stating how you want to achieve your goals at Ohio State University, I think your feeling towards OSU stands out better.

Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
Today, engineering has become a crucial subject for our society, and without engineering society would just regress back to the Stone Age. In fact, our society asks ...

My goal is to succeed as a mechanical engineering major and enhance the field of unmanned technology, especially in cars or military weapons and I make my mind to Ohio State University for achieving my goal.

I guarantee while I'm studying in Mechanical Engineering Department in O.S.U, my knowledge and communication skills will improve, and I can make a meaningful contribution to this field throughout the duration of my career. have better career than other college students.


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