Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.
All of my goals derive from my passion for problem solving and helping others. Because of this, I aspire to be a psychiatrist to help the mentally ill and remove the negative connotations associated with mental disorders. In order to achieve these goals, I have dedicated myself to my academics, and participated in extracurricular activities that expand my talents and allow me to solve problems creatively.
By taking advanced courses I have expanded my knowledge and equipped myself with the necessary skills to succeed in a college environment. In previous years, I have prepared by taking all the advanced courses I could (mathematics, science, English and social studies), and in doing so, have broadened interests and understanding of the involved fields. In addition, I have dedicated myself to the Engineering pathway courses. These have taught me to think creatively and resourcefully, and have bettered my skills as a problem solver. This school year I will be taking all AP sciences, and AP Calculus, among other things. Applying myself to a challenging curriculum has taught me to dedicate myself to my work, while also maintaining time for other important things
UIL Academic competitions were fantastic for helping me excel in mathematics, science, and speech. Our Math and Science team would meet after school to discuss, demonstrate, and practice various principals that would help us at the next competition. My debate team would stay after school preparing our debate topics for the next competition. After being selected to compete at the regional competition for Math UIL, I began studying calculus and trigonometric concepts rigorously, which also helped me improve in my pre-calculus class. Being a member my high school's UIL teams has helped my abilities to think critically, enhanced my decisiveness, and allowed me to advance academically in the related courses.
Participating in my high school's Robotics team has made me into a more well-rounded student and team player. Collaborating with the mentors and other team members has improved my sense of leadership and responsibility. The time and dedication I put into the team taught me how important taking initiative is, and allowed me to gain understanding of the necessity of sacrifice. Through this program I gained technical skills and knowledge, and also spent time volunteering and helping out the community. As a programmer, I learned to think creatively, while projecting my ideas in an organized fashion. As a team member, I learned to be persistent and dedicated, while solving problems as efficiently as possible under any given circumstance.
I plan on majoring in psychology because doing so will expand my knowledge of human behavior and emotion, and consequently, prepare me for my career as a psychiatrist. I am passionate and extremely interested in psychology, and have been for as long as I can remember. It is important to me that I learn as much as I can, in order to become the best mental health clinician possible.
Being a mental health professional requires critical thinking and dedication, both of which have been improved greatly for me throughout my high school career. Figuring out how to balance school with my extra curricular activities along with my own social life has bettered me as a student, while the courses and activities I took part in bettered me as an individual. All considered, I am confident that I will excel in a college environment and be prepared for my subsequent career path choices.
This is only my rough draft so please critique and give any advice you deem necessary. I'd really like for some advice on how to make the body paragraphs flow more smoothly.
(569 words long)
Any input is helpful!
Since the prompt says to talk about your goals I think it would be better to talk less about AP courses focus more on how everything relates to your passion in the study of human behavior. You also mention that you learned leadership skills and communication skills. Elaborate on how that affects your skills in psychology.
Another things I would say to delete the "helping others" part of the first paragraph because you barely mention it in the whole essay. Also it is a extremely cliche thing that I wouldn't recommend.
I can help you with your essay. You state that you plan to major in psychology. It definitely takes many of the skills and discipline you have gained in your high school curriculum. Please allow me to suggest some changes in each paragraph that could help you with your essay.
The first paragraph helps the reader to understand what your major will be. This is good! The second paragraph is good too, because you connect advanced courses with your ability to succeed in a college environment.
I think in the third paragraph, you need to make a connection between the skills you have learned and your career goals. You want to show how this will help you achieve your goals. For example, after the last sentence you could state how those skills you have acquired will be necessary when you major in psychology. The other details about calculus and trigonometry are not in reference to the debates so it can be a little confusing to the reader.
In this fourth paragraph you state: "Participating in my high school's Robotics team has made me into a more well-rounded student and team player." How would you be a team player as a psychiatrist? This may take a little investigating into the nature of working in this field to determine how you can be a team player. I will assume that being in robotics allowed you to be analytical and meticulous or careful. Are these skills that can be used in the field of psychology?
I think you will benefit from using transitions to begin each paragraph. Here are some suggestions:
1st paragraph: You use Because of this, but you could use "As a result".
2nd paragraph: The first and second sentence could be switched. The first sentences needs these revisions: "In previous years, I have prepared myself by taking all the advanced courses I could (mathematics, science, English and social studies),and in doing so, have broadened interests and understanding of the involved fields to broaden my interests and understand of different fields."
The next sentence will begin with: "By taking advanced courses,..." Engineering should be in all lowercase letters. Instead of using bettered, I would suggest using "improved".
3rd paragraph: To make better transitions, you can take ideas in the last sentence to transition to a new paragraph. Ex: "I also challenged myself by participating in UIL Academic competitions, which helped me excel in mathematics, science, and speech."
4th paragraph: "In addition, participating..." or you could use Furthermore to begin the sentence.
5th paragraph: Since you are trying to end your essay, take information from the question and begin the next paragraph. Ex: Thus, my academic and extracurricular activities will help me as I prepare me for my career as a psychiatrist. Another transition you could use is "Therefore".
6th paragraph: Change bettered, you can use words such as "helped" "helped me to improve" as replacements. "All considered" could be substituted with "Therefore".
I know this is a lot of input. When you use transitions it will help you with your writing.
- Because of this,( starting your sentence with "because" is not the best way to start it I aspire to
- By takingI take advanced courses,
- ...while also maintainingmanaging time for other important things
- UIL Academic competitions were fantastic forin helping me...
- I plan on majoringtaking a major in psychology
- because doing so will expand my knowledge ofon human
- It is important tofor me that I learn as much as I can,...
- AllWith everything considered, I am confident that
One thing that I notice in your application is your use of the linking verbs, to, into, for, at, and a few others, this is very minor remarks however it will help if you practice more. Overall, I believe you have the best shot for this college application, best of luck!!!
