Please tell us more about your interest in transferring: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?
1800 characters
"God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for this food..." When I was a boy, I recited this prayer three times daily. Once it occurred to me that God probably didn't need to be reminded of how great he was, I quit. Surely he already knew of his greatness; and if he didn't know after the hundreds of times I'd told him, then he hadn't been paying attention. I'm not sure why, but writing an essay explaining to admissions officers why I want to go to their school reminds me greatly of my childhood prayers. Brown is great, Brown is good, but why? In high school, I was always the kid to register for unnecessary courses just because they interested me. To get permission I had to bend my counselors arm. During my first year at community college, my head spun from all the new freedoms I was given. When the spinning stopped, I noticed I didn't have the freedom to take any class I wanted; I was repeatedly reminded that certain courses were out of my degree plan while trying to register for my second term. Brown's open curriculum prevents students from having these problems. The satisfactory/no credit system goes one step further by eliminating the stress of letter grading, and encourages students to take courses they otherwise might not. I honestly can't think of a reason why I wouldn't apply to Brown. I would usually reserve this spot in my prayers to explain why I deserve what I'm hoping for-in this case, acceptance to Brown. But it's been so long and I'm out of practice, and maybe lobbying one's own prayer requests has gone out of style. One thing I know is that I'm a fit for Brown. My heart and spirit have been with Brown all along, and now they're waiting for my body to catch up. I'll have to pray that it does.
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1. Did I sufficiently answer the prompt?
2. Is my subject too controversial?
3. Any grammatical errors?
Thank you!
Sound enthusiastic when you write! I think the beginning is a bit too detailed. And since you're interested in Brown, so definitely jot down some specific facts about what Brown offers that no other school offers.
Capitalize the text in red!
"God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for this food..." When I was a boy, I recited this prayer three times daily. Once it occurred to me that God probably didn't need to be reminded of how great h e was, I quit. Surely h e already knew of his greatness; and if h e didn't know after the hundreds of times I'd told him, then h e hadn't been paying attention. I'm not sure why, but writing an essay explaining to admissions officers why I want to go to their school reminds me greatly of my childhood prayers. Brown is great, Brown is good, but why? In high school, I was always the kid to register for unnecessary courses just because they interested me. To get permission I had to bend my counselor' s arm. During my first year at community college, my head spun from all the new freedoms I was given. When the spinning stopped, I noticed I didn't have the freedom to take any class I wanted; I was repeatedly reminded that certain courses were out of my degree plan while trying to register for my second term. Brown's open curriculum prevents students from having these problems. The satisfactory/no credit system goes one step further by eliminating the stress of letter grading, and encourages students to take courses they otherwise might not. (You know, a lot of colleges are like that, too. How does Brown stand out to you? I honestly can't think of a reason why I wouldn't apply to BrownExplain more about why you chose Brown! . I would usually reserve this spot in my prayers to explain why I deserve what I'm hoping for-in this case, acceptance to Brown. But it's been so long and I'm out of practice, and maybe lobbying one's own prayer requests has gone out of style. One thing I know is that I'm a fit for Brown. My heart and spirit have been with Brown all along, and now they're waiting for my body to catch up. I'll have to pray that it does.
"God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for this food..." When I was a boy, I recited this prayer three times daily. Once it occurred to me that God probably didn't need to be reminded of how great He was, I quit. If God didn't know he was great after the hundreds of times I'd told Him, then He hadn't been paying attention. I'm not sure why, but writing an essay explaining to admissions officers why I'm right for their school reminds me of my childhood prayers. Brown is great, Brown is good, but why? In high school, I was always the kid to bend my counselor's arm for permission to register for unnecessary classes-just because they interested me. During my first year at community college, my head spun from all the new freedoms I was given, but noticeably absent was the freedom to take any course I wanted; I couldn't even wheedle my way into one. Brown's open curriculum prevents students from having these problems. The satisfactory/no credit system goes one step further by eliminating the stress of letter grading, encouraging students to take courses they otherwise might not. I honestly can't think of a reason why any devoted academic wouldn't apply to Brown. Brown is an anomaly in that it values an education more than the degree it supplies. There are a few universities with similar stances, but I can't picture myself anywhere but Brown. I usually reserved this spot in my prayers to explain why I deserved what I asked for. If I prayed today, I'd petition for acceptance to Brown. But it's been so long and I'm out of practice, and maybe lobbying one's own prayer requests has gone out of style. One thing I know is that I'm a fit for Brown. My heart and spirit have been with Brown all along, and now they're waiting for my body to catch up. I'll have to pray that it does.
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Thanks for your feedback! I took everything you said into consideration and made as many adjustments as I could without compromising what I was trying to say. My biggest problem is the 1800 character limit. I still went over! I'm at 1801 characters! I'll find something to cut. What do you think of the revisions I made?
Hey Landon,
What a unique way to answer the prompt. You're applying as a transfer and this essay works well for your situation. :) As the first comment says, you need to be a little more specific. Even your revised version seems a little lacking there. You need to convince the reader that you know why you love Brown. A point or two more would do the job well.
I really like the way you end the essay. However, it seems a little ironic that you say you'd pray to be accepted at Brown but are out of practice. But the way you've worded the end seems like a little petition/prayer in itself. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just my opinion. :) But then again, which "why (this college) ?" essay doesn't become a borderline request. Anyway, without further digression I would say keep at this if you have time. Just revise and include more precise details about Brown. You'll have a great essay. :)
PLEASE, I request you to check both my thread and give me some opinion/critique/suggestions if possible. I could really use any help. Thanks!
Any more suggestions? All help is really appreciated.
