What matters to you and why?
Beads of sweat form on the sides of my face. I clench my fists to calm my shaky fingers. My eyes wander from side to side, avoiding the puzzled gaze of the stranger I have just met.
In my junior year of high school, my self-consciousness spiraled out of control until it began to cripple my interactions with other people. The idea that every gesture I made negatively impacted the way people viewed me dictated my actions and words and in turn, destroyed my self-expression and overwhelmed me with immense mental stress.
I would spend hours and hours in my room, contemplating the reasons behind my turmoil. I was convinced it was the result of my insecurities, and thought everything would be solved if I heightened my self-esteem. Yet, waking up in the morning and telling my reflection in the mirror to be confident was just a self-conscious act on its own, motivated by my concern with other people's opinions of me.
The only thing that slowly pulled me out of my struggles was one realization. The realization that all that mattered was God. I was so busy looking around that I forgot look up and focus on what actually mattered. The belief that God loved me unconditionally filled my heart with a sense of peace by allowing my self-conscious heart to finally rest. In a world where people are judged-intentionally or subconsciously-based on their race, appearance, or resume, one can never find self contentment by depending on humans. Peace arrives once one solely relies on the opinions of God.
It is well written, but you realy have to ask yourself what people understand about you when they read this..
For me, the insecurity the presented in the beginning is the impression that stayed with me when i finished reading your essay, and I don't think this is want you want others to think about you. maybe expand more on how this was corrected and how you are now.
I think the final sentence: "Peace arrives once one solely relies on the opinions of God." is dangerous. It kinda makes you look like a religious fanatic.. maybe you should tone it down a bit..
But it's just my opinion..
I like your essay! I wrote something religious for my Yale & Princeton apps, but when writing about religion always try to focus on the IMPACT religion had on YOU, instead of preaching about religion itself. For the last sentence, maybe you could somehow reword it so it isn't addressing the reader (peace arrives when ONE relies on the opinions of God) and instead talks about you?
Just a thought! :)
I agree with the two statements above. Maybe what you could have done was to say that by looking to God you were able to build your self esteem as you realized that you don't need to pay attention to what others think about you.
Alright, thank you for the suggestions.
