Prompt - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Last summer, I cried for the first time in years. At one moment I was oblivious, and the next, rejuvenated. The prickling feeling on the back of my neck, either from the sweat seeping out the pores or my hairs stiffening. The blaring silence disrupted by heavy crying. The warm feeling of enlivenment when closing ones eyes and opening ones mind. It was God. His presence seemed tangible. After all the drama, stress, doubt, fear, and tribulation, I finally discovered my refuge. I was replenished. Though I was kneeling with my fellow youth peers in this Catholic youth retreat, I felt no pride hampering my connection with God. Pride was diminished and I was careless, free. With a "nothing to lose" mentality, I gave my all to God for that one moment, and it paid off. In worship position, I absorbed every word; every sound emitted in my mind. It was the peace and happiness I yearned for, arriving at the quintessential time. God had a plan.
Oh, how a single weekend alongside God can truly impact ones life eternally. Calling The Lord's Flock Catholic Charismatic Youth Retreat a superb memory is a mere understatement. My complete grasp on life was reconstructed. Boldly kneeling and losing my voice to God rid me of all pride, instead replacing it with confidence. With a boost in self-confidence, I felt that I could manage extended independence and responsibility, challenging myself with jobs and car payments. Another responsibility of mine I consider essential is my role as youth leader for The Lord's Flock Los Angeles Chapter. I've always been a member of the youth, but the retreat convinced me to take command of leadership and commit to serving. Observing the other participants and their newfound happiness ignited the flame within me to assist in spreading this exquisite feeling. I've committed myself to learning the drums for The Lord's Flock's next generation worship band, practicing three to five days a week. With full commitment comes full perseverance; nothing can stop me from working towards God.
A chapter finalized, another underway. My experience during the retreat will not simply come then drag out. I will not allow myself to linger in the moment; instead I will take action. It was the sign from God everyone awaits; this was mine. The retreat developed a savoring emotion within me that is activated by happiness of others. Hopefully my thirst of spreading happiness will be quenched in January when I will be traveling to Uganda for the Lord's Flock. Not plainly to outreach, but also to spread the word and develop their youth. The Lord's Flock will continue to cultivate with my contribution and leadership. This is why I was created, to deliver genuine happiness anywhere and everywhere possible.
I need help on cutting it down to reach the word count limit and also to see if i answered the prompt properly.. thanks
Good afternoon :)
I think this is a proper answer to this prompt; you describe the experience and then how it has effected you. It is a little meandering and long-winded though. Go through your paragraphs and see if you can condense some of your ideas into shorter or combined sentences, and if the wording doesn't help your meaning along, get rid of it. For example, "Another responsibility of mine I consider essential is my role as youth leader for The Lord's Flock Los Angeles Chapter. I've always been a member of the youth, but the retreat convinced me to take command of leadership and commit to serving. Observing the other participants and their newfound happiness ignited the flame within me to assist in spreading this exquisite feeling. I've committed myself to learning the drums for The Lord's Flock's next generation worship band, practicing three to five days a week. With full commitment comes full perseverance; nothing can stop me from working towards God" doesn't seem to really fit with the rest of your piece; it seems that your essay is about the time spent at the camp, and this doesn't involve that. Therefore, it should be removed because it does not stick to the topic.
I hope this helps.
Regards,
Gloria
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