Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
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My grammar is not good at all but please help me.
A smile is the sign of happiness. Being able to see other people's smiles makes me happy. It makes me want to keep those smiles forever. However, it is impossible, for something especially expression to be everlasting. Sickness and sadness always deprive human from happiness. I just hope, at least, to make those smiles stay as long as they could be.
It does not matter who am I but what does matter is why I am here. I do not want to live on this earth aimlessly. I want to develop myself in both knowledge and experience, so that I can use them to help other people. I have to be able to stand with my own legs first, in order to help them sufficiently.
Three years ago, I lived in a small town in Thailand where the biggest hospital is always crowded. As I walked in, I saw several lines of patients from each diagnostic room. Because the hospital does not have enough equipments and technology, therefore, the patients have to wait in line for diagnostic test. Some people come to hospital at six o'clock in the morning, so that they can see the doctor as soon as possible when the office hour is eight o'clock. Hospital became my second home since I had to visit there every month for blood checking after I knew I had severe anemia. By seeing how insufficient of particular equipment to cure or diagnose become problems, I think I have to do something. If one has to be diagnosed immediately, it took him two hours to get to big hospital in a large city. He might get worse or, even died before he gets there. Why lower class can't get the same chance of healthcare as the middle and upper class do? Money becomes an issue, when it comes to medical equipments and medicine. I want to find an alternative way to lower the cost of medical machine. I want to invent some medical equipment to cure and help patients who suffer from incurable disease. At least, I want to keep their smiles from pain and sickness.
I volunteered at Seton Medical Williamson Center over summer 2010 and 2011. Delivering flowers to each patient's room is a wonderful experience for me. I love to talk to the patients and cheer them up. However, when I saw some of them laid down on bed unconsciously, I want to help them. How can I help them? Even though I do not have any knowledge about medicine to cure the disease, I can help restocking some basic medical tools in their cabinets and drawers. I can deliver happiness to them with flowers and smile.
After I gain knowledge about medical equipments and their structures, and experience the engineering inside them. I want to use my knowledge to develop and find an alternative way to lower the cost of medical equipment. If I gain enough knowledge and experience, I would like to go back to Thailand and teach other people who interested in this field. By that time, I will be able to stand with my own legs and help others to stand on theirs.
-However, it is impossible, for something especially expression to be everlasting. --> However it is impossible for something, especially expression, to be everlasting.
-Sickness and sadness always deprive humans from happiness.
-I just hope, at least, to make those smiles stay as long as they could be. ("could be" to "can" ; delete the red)
-I suggest combining the first and second paragraphs together. It improves flow.
-Three years ago, I lived in a small town in Thailand where the biggest hospital is always crowded. ("is" to "was")
-As I walked in, I saw several lines of patients from each diagnostic room. ("from" to "in")
-Because the hospital does not have enough equipments and technology, therefore, the patients have to wait in line for diagnostic test. (change blue to past tense, delete the red)
-Some people come to hospital at six o'clock in the morning, so that they can see the doctor as soon as possible when the office hour is eight o'clock. (change the red to "it")
The essay isnt bad at all. it just has a few grammar mistakes but i can figure out the point. I'm still editing this essay so just wait for the update :)
I changed as your suggested. Thank you so much for helping me with this essay. I know that my grammar is really bad but I wrote it from my heart truely. I also changed few things to the 2nd half.
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A smile is the sign of happiness. Being able to see other people's smiles makes me happy. It makes me want to keep those smiles forever. However, it is impossible for something, especially expression, to be everlasting. Sickness and sadness always deprive humans from happiness. I just hope to make those smiles stay as long as they can be. It does not matter who am I but what does matter is why I am here. I do not want to live on this earth aimlessly. I want to develop myself in both knowledge and experience, so that I can help other people. I have to be able to stand with my own legs first, in order to help others sufficiently.
Three years ago, I lived in a small town in Thailand where the biggest hospital was always crowded. As I walked in, I saw several lines of patients in each diagnostic room. Because the hospital did not have enough equipment and technology, the patients had to wait in a line for diagnostic test. Some people came to the hospital at six o'clock in the morning, so that they can see the doctor as soon as possible when it is eight o'clock. The hospital became my second home since I had to visit every month for anemia panel test after I learned I had severe anemia. When I saw how an inadequate amount of particular equipment became problems, I think I have to do something. If one has to be diagnosed immediately, it takes him two hours to get to a city hospital. He might get worse or, even dead before he gets there. Why should not lower class get the same chance at healthcare as the middle and upper classes do? Money becomes an issue when it comes to medical equipment and medicine. I want to find an alternative way to lower the cost of medical machines. I want to invent some medical equipment to cure and help patients who suffer from chronic diseases. At the very least, I want to keep their smiles from pain and sickness.
I volunteered at Seton Medical Williamson Center over the summers 2010 and 2011. A wonderful experience for me is delivering flowers to each patient's room. I love to talk to the patients and cheer them up. However, when I saw some of them laid down on bed unconsciously, I want to help them. How can I help them? Even though I do not have any knowledge about medicine to cure the disease, I can help restock some basic medical tools in their cabinets and drawers. I can deliver happiness to them with flowers and smile.
After I gain knowledge about medical equipments and their structures, and experience the engineering inside them, I want to use my knowledge to develop and find an alternative way to lower the cost of medical equipment. If I gain enough knowledge and experience, I would like to go back to Thailand and teach other people who interested in this field. By that time, I will be able to stand with my own legs and help others to stand on theirs.
