I want to transfer to Temple University- please tell me if this is a good personal statement. Thanks!
Topic: Please tell us more about yourself. Relate one or more experiences or circumstances that have contributed to your personal and/or academic development. If you have been out of school for a year or longer, please discuss your activities during that period of time.
An experience that has contributed to my personal developement was starting college at Philadelphia University. Going to college was a huge change for me. I really learned a lot about myself, and the way I want my life to turn out, and not the way someone else does for me. I went to PhillyU to study Fashion Industry Management. I enjoyed the business classes that I took in high school, and I've always loved fashion, so I thought that would be a great choice me. However, after moving in, and experiencing classes and campus life, I was starting to think PhillyU was not the school for me. I had aslo talked to some previous graduates of Philadelphia University and hearing their unsuccessful stories of trying to find a decent job in the fashion or art world really discouraged me. I started to do more research, and upon finding out the average salary, and the average unemployment rates of people who studied fashion, I began to re-evaluate my decision. I began to reasearch a better major for myself, and found that I would much rather study Bussiness Administraion. I feel as though it is a much better field to get into than fashion. Although Philadelphia University does offer business majors, I knew that it was too small of a school for me. I've visted Temple many times, and fell in love with the city-life. Temple also has a better business program than PhillyU, which made me realize that Temple was the school I should have picked from the begginging. Philadelphia University does not have enough to offer me here, and I know that Temple is a bigger, better school, with a lot more things to do, see, and get involved with. My time at PhillyU has made me sure of one thing: I want to study Business Administration, and I want to study at Temple University.
An experience that has .... the way someone else does for me . ----I think this is all too vague. You should specify WHAT is interesting to you and what you want for yourself, etc. Express your intentions, your plan.
Discuss some books or articles you have read about business admin.
Use paragraphs to make this easier to read.
Tell the reader some details about the kind of work you would like to do when you finish your degree program.
Try to come up with one central idea, one memorable idea that will stay in the reader's mind after she finishes this essay.
:-)
