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Going to concerts- Common App short essay

lolo12 2 / 3  
Oct 10, 2011   #1
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experience in the space below (1000 character maximum)"

As the lights of the historic Granada Theatre dim, the cheers of the crowd grow frenzied as we push closer to the stage. We're expectant, we're exhilarated, we're ready. The curtains raise and from the very first drum beat, I am in a state of rapture; taking my eyes from the stage would be impossible. The only thing that matters is the sound of the singer's scratchy, natural voice, the guitar's piercing squeal, the drums abrasive pulse. Although I enjoy recorded songs, I prefer the real, unaltered sound of live music, complete with its imperfections. Every note the band plays runs through me and the rhythms clear my mind. I am completely relaxed; the worries that generally plague me throughout the day are gone. At a loud, chaotic concert, I am most at peace. The music has transformed me. I am always driven and focused on my future, but at this concert, I let go and live in the moment.
daniel44992 13 / 29  
Oct 10, 2011   #2
I love the essay and how it brings the reader into the moment with you. It's very descriptive and colorful. The only issue is I don't think going to concerts counts as an extracurricular activity (I wish i did though). If there is some reason for you choosing a concert, maybe try to explain it a little bit unless you explain it elsewhere.
OP lolo12 2 / 3  
Oct 11, 2011   #3
Thank you for your response! I think your right. I am going to try and use it somewhere else.
AcademicEssay - / 2  
Oct 12, 2011   #4
I like your essay and the flow in which you write is attractive for reader. The way brings the reader into that moment with you is superb. It's really descriptive and colorful you can improve a lot more by visiting Academic essay online. It is a site which provides you online essays written by the professional writers.
katmandu0071 6 / 15  
Oct 12, 2011   #5
The essay is very well-written, but I agree that it isn't an "extracurricular."

However, the thing that stands out to me the most is when you switch to present perfect in the sentence "The music has transformed me." I would make it "The music transforms me" to make it flow better.

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