"Let's get going now" - UF experience, risk, event

OK I NEED HELP! IF SOMEONE CAN READ THIS AND LET ME KNOW IF ITS GOOD ENOUGH TO APPLY TO UF!
im not a strong writer, and im a procastinator leaving stuff for the last minute but plz if someon can spend 10minutes on this sigh ! i would really appreciate ur help

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

"Let's get going now", said my mom as I stood outside my house starring at the bright moon. Couldn't believe it was about time to leave. My heart started racing as time got closer for our departure to USA. Was I ready to leave? Would I be able to adopt the environment? What would students think of me when I go to their school? Will they like or hate me? Thousands of questions arose and I felt nervous, maybe kind of scared as well, but I knew I had to do this, for my parents and make them proud because failure was never an option for me and never would be.

"The plane is about to land..."whispered my sister as I woke up. It was about time, just a few more minutes and I will step in an unknown place where I had to start over. It did not sound fun, it was more like if I had restarted a game and had to get my level up using my skills.

"Wake up!! Do you want to miss your first day of school?" yelled my mom from the kitchen. A month just flew unpacking and it was already time for school. I was excited but the first day of my 8th grade didn't go so well. People laughed at the way I dressed, my way of talking since my English wasn't so good, the way I looked, my hair, my book bag and even got bullied a little. I had no confidence which is always a necessary ingredient for an individual to survive.

"Sigh", hard work I put in studying finally paid off. I graduated 8th grade with at least an 80+ avg. in my finals. School system was way different than I was used to but I managed to adopt it in a while. Things stayed the same in 9th grade as well besides the fact, people actually knew my name as I made to the principle list but they had no idea who I was. I felt alone. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to tell my mom but we were already struggling financially, I didn't want to add more problems so I stayed quiet hoping things would get better.

Things did get better. It was a new and a confident me. I stood up for myself. I didn't let what people said bother me. 10th grade was completely different. I made a few friends and at the same time, participated in many extra-curricular activities. I absolutely loved being friends with the new students; guided them so they don't have to go through what I did. Soon I was known, since I was involved in school a lot.

Facing obstacles, I always kept one thing in mind, "Never give up", which I shall continue to do in University of Florida as well as engaging myself in becoming an important part of UF family.

"Let's get going now", said my mom as I stood outside my house staring at the bright moon. I couldn't believe it was about time to leave. My heart started racing as time got closer for our departure to USA. Was I ready to leave? Would I be able to adapt to the environment? What would students think of me when I arrived at their school? Will they like me or hate me? Thousands of questions arose and I felt nervous, maybe kind of scared as well, but I knew I had to do this, for my parents to make them proud because failure was not an option for me and never would be.

"The plane is about to land..."whispered my sister as I woke up. It was about time, just a few more minutes and I will be stepping into an unknown place where I had to start everything over. It did not sound fun, it was more like if I had restarted a game and had to get my level up using my skills. This sentence sounds a bit weird consider omitting it or changing it.

"Wake up!! Do you want to miss your first day of school?" yelled my mom from the kitchen. A month had just flown by with unpacking and getting settled in? and it was already time for school. I was excited but the first day of my 8th grade didn't go so well. People laughed at the way I dressed, my way of talking since my English wasn't so good, the way I looked, my hair, my book bag and even got bullied a little. I had no confidence which is always a necessary ingredient for an individual to survive.

"Sigh", the hard work I put in studying finally paid off. I graduated 8th grade with at least an 80+ avg. in my finals. the School system was way different than what I was used to but I managed to adopt it in a while. Things stayed the same in the 9th grade as well besides the fact, people actually knew my name as I made to the principle list but they had no idea who I was. I don't understand this sentence consider explaining it more like what is a principle list and how did that affect you. I felt alone. I just wanted to cry. I wanted to tell my mom but we were already struggling financially, I didn't want to add more problems so I stayed quiet hoping things would get better.

Things did get better. It was a new and a confident me. I stood up for myself. I didn't let what people said bother me. what made you realize to finally stand up for yourself? 10th grade was completely different. I made a few friends and at the same time, participated in many extra-curricular activities. I absolutely loved being friends with the new students; guided them so they don't have to go through what I did. Soon I was known, since I was involved in school a lot. what were you involved in.

Facing obstacles, I always kept one thing in mind, "Never give up", which I shall continue to do in University of Florida as well as engaging myself in becoming an important part of UF family.

*theres no space before the coma :D
hope this helps! its not perfect and you don't have to do everything i said lol. its just my opinion. good luck :D