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"going through the numerous clubs and organizations" - Columbia Supplement


yenna 9 / 23  
Dec 25, 2010   #1
I'm not sure about it at all but here it is... I don't really think i fully answered the prompt either. :/ ugh

PROMPT: What about Columbia appeals to you and why?

Right now I am pulling out the Columbia to go section of the Blue Album. Sent to me over a year ago I now look at it more in depth and re-explore Columbia.

Right now I'm going through the numerous clubs and organizations. An entire two pages are covered with 8-fonted club names and in the first column alone I spot one I would join. I'm looking through the list, and see tons more I would totally join: Student Government, Model UN. "Perfect. I'm pumped." The clubs in high school that I partook in changed me and I was able to grow more comfortable with people and gained responsibility. Meetings, service projects and leadership soon became a part of my life and I want to continue on with the experience at Columbia.

Right now I see the big bolded words New York City - the city I've always dreamed of visiting. New York would offer me so many opportunities and would open my eyes to a more cosmopolitan aspect of the world. The thought of NYC is exciting and makes me jump in my seat. But wait! I see this and now I'm leaping: 'Fact: A Columbia ID card gains Students free access to 30 NYC museums.'

"SCORE! I love museums!"
Right now, I am now at the end of the Columbia info book. I am now reprimanding myself for not looking into Columbia earlier.
Well I can't go back now but all I can do is hope. Hope for a life in New York City, hope to join Adventist Christian Fellowship, Korean Students Association, and Vegan & Vegetarian Action, and hope for acceptance into Columbia.

I like your quotations after everything exiting which brings though your personality and the repetition. I especially like your last sentence. Also I'm not sure if you want to make it seem like you got all your information from the info book. Maybe you should say you got some information from the guidebook or alumni or a current student if you could fit it into the theme.
OP yenna 9 / 23  
Dec 25, 2010   #2
Here's a revised version

Right now, I'm re-exploring Columbia-searching the website, and getting info from current students and Columbia materials.
Right now I am going through the numerous clubs and organizations printed in a Columbia guidebook I received over a year ago. An entire two pages are covered [...]

Right now on the website I see big bolded words that say New York City - the city I've always [...]

Right now, I'm done exploring and am somewhat disappointed I didn't look into Columbia earlier.
Well I can't go back now but ...
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Dec 27, 2010   #3
"info"
-too informal.

8-fonted club names
-What is this??

But wait! I see this and now I'm leaping: 'A Columbia ID card gains Students free access to 30 NYC museums.'
"SCORE! I love museums!"
-This phrase is really nice :)

Right now, I'm done exploring and am somewhat disappointed I didn't look into Columbia earlier.
-IMO its better now to write this...

I like the last sentence!
Good Luck
iceui2 - / 70  
Dec 27, 2010   #4
I wouldn't use the New York City as a reason. I heard from the Columbia admission officer that almost every single application describes that as a plus. Why not NYU? Or Stony Brook? Or CUNY? I'm sure they give free access as well...

Also, you never answered the prompt, which is: "what do you find MOST appealing about Columbia". You named so many different things, but you need to pick ONE.

Otherwise, the things you named were fine. I wouldn't go far to say it "stands out", because it really doesn't. You should try to write something unique... somethign that relates to you, and how Columbia can help you pursue that.
awesomepossum 2 / 4  
Dec 27, 2010   #5
@ iceui2, I disagree, I think you did a great job detailing the extent to which you want to get involved in Columbia's active student life.

I think you can get rid of this sentence
Right now, I'm done exploring and am somewhat disappointed I didn't look into Columbia earlier.

and squeeze in something else having to do with a vibrant student life/culture.
good luck!
lanes 5 / 33  
Dec 27, 2010   #6
Honestly, i think you should take out the SCORE! I LOVE MUSEUMS, it seems a little too informal, seeing is how you writing to Columbia. Try to make it seem like you've known about all the things the school offers, for years. Don't write like your just mentioning the things you like because you have to for the supplement.
sfw 4 / 9  
Dec 27, 2010   #7
The museums part is pretty genius, but just try to make it more personal. They wouldn't really like it if all you know about Columbia is from the blue book.
aiswim 4 / 28  
Dec 29, 2010   #8
I love the quotations. The admissions officers will be happy to hear your voice shine through.
But yeah, you should fix the problems mentioned above, such as "8-fonted club names." I'm not sure they'll understand what that is. Do you mean 8 point font?

Other than that, I like the way you wrote this.
Good luck!


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