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Before going to Vipassana (a silent meditation retreat) I was trying to find myself. CommonApp Essay


liliyaah 2 / 3  
Nov 12, 2014   #1
Any comments or suggestion will be appreciated;
Essay prompt:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I had little information about Vipassana on a brochure that my cousin brought back home. Before going to Vipassana (a silent meditation retreat) I was trying to find myself.

Little did I know that it would immensely put my life into perspective. It was the fourth day at Vipassana when I started to noticeably wonder the changes. During the body-scan meditation I kept getting flashbacks. Abrupt scenes from my past appeared, as though trying to signal me into a future as lost as my past where I once used to live and, laugh.

I am back being a 10 year old, when I moved to the US from Nepal along with my family for my father's dissertation in Nuclear Physics. To my parents' surprise, I loved growing up in Kent, where summer days were scorching hot and the sun would not set until 8 pm. Every afternoon I used to gather all my friends pretending to be a standup comedian and performing skits in my show called 'The Stupid Show'. I loved making people laugh. The smell of freshly cut grass in spring was my favorite though; it always reminded me of home. That made me wonder- my home was Kent now. What home did I remember? What home did I forget? Gradually, as expected of a young innocent girl, I forgot my life back at Nepal. At eleven, it did not seem to bother me a bit. Yes I was a foreigner but, I felt home.

Growing up, I was always more comfortable in school rather than at my own house. While my father was busy studying, Mother tried to keep us grounded to our values and instilled traditions in us. She made us attend community parties. But between community parties and school, I felt like I was leading two different lives because there was a complete marked difference. Not long after, I lost any little of Nepali identity I ever had in me.

Coming back to Nepal at that very point exacerbated the situation. Suddenly, I had stopped smiling. I had no friends. At fourteen, I was supposed to start from zero. Things were changing inside my body. Things were changing inside me. I always used to wonder who I was. I was constantly misunderstood at home for having forgotten the family values of living in a joint family some of which were agreeing politely to absurd orders from the elders and forgiving the troublesome youngsters. The term "compromise" had become an abstract concept for me. I was an outsider again. I was a foreigner in my own country and in my own home.

After ten days of intense meditation at Vipassana and being cut off with the actual world, I still did not achieve stillness of mind which was the primary aim of the camp. But one thing I definitely did was a lot of thinking. These thoughts helped me to understand myself better; they got me to accept myself for being me and accepting my home that was after all the place that is my own. Over the years in Nepal, everything got familiar; the hearty chuckle of my grandfather, the loud voices and laughter of Mother along with her sisters, the bond and support I found in my cousins, a feeling I had completely forgotten about; everything came back to me. In no time, this became a part of me. This was who I was. This is who I am- a gregarious girl, who thrives with the help of family, adapts easily after all, and loves the thought of independence. In struggling to adapt with changes of distinctly different societies in crucial ages of my life, I understood a primary lesson of life- that in a lot of living, there is a lot of learning to do. And Today, after many thoughts I look forward to keep discovering myself in midst of knowledge and challenges.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 12, 2014   #2
Lili, is there a way that you can tell this story without having to muddle the experience with the meditation retreat story? It just takes attention away from your true story, of being a person whose identity was lost and is now finding her way back to who she truly is. From my point of view, it seems that the central identity story gets lost because of the way that you insert the meditation in the story. It really does not help move the story forward. You should revise the essay to speak directly to the admissions officer and tell the story of your lost self-mage from the time you left for the United States, returned to Nepal, and felt that that you did not belong anywhere. It does not take meditation to figure that out. Since the meditation did not help you find your identity either, you can simply skip it. I tried to cut and paste your essay in a word document and removed the references to the meditation aspect. It really came out more interesting and smooth that way. I suggest that you try it :-) Don't worry about any bumps you might have in the essay. If you bring up your concerns, we can work with you to resolve it :-)


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