Hello, this is my personal statement for university application
. I'd love any feedback. Thanks for your advice
Please write the personal statement with a focus on what you learned from and felt during curricular and/or extracurricular activities (up to three) to which you attached meaning and devoted yourself in high school.(within 1500 characters/200words) (Required)
My high school was filled with examinations and failure in examinations ranging from the VMO ( Vietnamese Mathematical Olympiad ), IELTS, the UEE of Singapore, the University Entrance Examination of Vietnam, and Sat subject test. Each test had distinctive features, while VMO focused on creativity, techniques, speed, and elaborateness were more crucial in the UEE. Due to continuous failure in the exams in the early stage, I had to change direction and prepare for another goal with other exams. In those time, my weaknesses and misconceptions are revealed: carelessness, inability to work effectively under high pressure, confused thinking, overconfidence and more importantly, valuable lessons learned from other competitors and friends who achieved better results.
I started to re-examine myself thoroughly, thus making a big decision that changed the rest of my high school, even probably the rest of my life. Instead of only setting goals, I began meticulously planning every step then took notes them. Furthermore, I placed more importance on building good habits such as deep work, emotional control, logical thinking, meditation, and learning more from my friends as well as breaking bad habits. Personally, it was not only knowledge gained from subjects at school, but these habits and lessons from failure had also helped me attain my goal.
Hi, here are some suggestions for you.
1.You may want to rearrange the proportions, emphasizing more on the lessons and achievements you gained instead of spending lines on describing the failure you've experienced. (for instance, shorten the last sentence in the first paragraph and instantly jump to the second where you illustrate your growth)
2.I would recommend you to give some actual examples in the second passage, regarding to how you established those good habits. For example, you might have done some improvements in certain fields, joined activities or clubs in schools...etc.
3.The word " failure" could sometimes be replaced with "frustration."
However, overall you own quite a great writing skill!
