When most people in our society think of "the good life", gigantic dollar signs pop into their head. Growing up, my parents would argue constantly over financial issues. Either it be the same issue or a different one, the conflict never seemed to stop. One fact I know is certain is that money does not by you happiness. Money is only temporary pleasure .
- This is a weak introduction. You should use the second paragraph as your introduction because it immediately defines what you think the good life it.Being of Jamaican descent, my vacations were spent on the little island. Most people would go to the nice resorts down by the beach, but my family and I prefer to go to vacation in the slums. For some reason, being in the slums of Jamaica versus being on a resort was better. Even though the people there were not as fortunate as my family, they seemed a lot happier. They were a lot more affable than any person I have seen anywhere else. It was almost as if anything would bring a smile to their face. When I brought my soccer ball out to play, kids from everywhere would come out with giant grins. At those moments, I felt that maybe money desensitizes people from what is good in life.
- Add something to the end of the paragraph to clarify that this is your definition of the good life. Something along the lines of "I began to realize that the "good life" is not defined by the amount of money a person has but rather, the happiness that he derives from the simple things in life.Maybe, the "good life" could be as simple as having good health." This will be the transition sentence that leads us into the seizure of your brother.Start his story in a new paragraph.Less than six months ago, my little brother had a seizure.The first time someone experiences a seizure is always terrifying. Watching my brother shake uncontrollably, I had no idea what I could possibly to help. When he stopped, he was just laying there, staring past me and not at me. One would expect feelings of sorrow to follow, but the first emotion I felt was confusion. Questions would run through my mind. What just happened? He cannot be dead? It all happened too fast.Then, his eyes started to move and he slowly regained consciousness. That is when I noticed how delicate life is. From that day on, I knew that living in general was living "the good life".
-... what I could
do to possibly help.When it stopped, my brother just lay there, seemingly dead. Then he slowly moved his eyes and regained consciousness. Fearing that my brother had died opened my eyes to the delicateness of life.
That was when I came to understand that living in general...
Consequently, my undergraduate experience at the University of Florida will not prepare me for the "good life", since I am already living it. But, this university can prepare me for the "great life". My parents and other family members, being immigrants, spent a lot of time trying come to the United States. Their main focus was not school and they did not get the opportunities I have today. By going to this university, I will be among the first in my family to go college. This university will prepare me for the "great life" because I will have taken advantage of all the hardships my parents had to go through and study something that interests me.
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My graduate experience...
Instead, the university
will prepare...
This is a carefully thought out an developed essay. Aside from the few changes I suggested, it would seem that the essay is already the best that it can be. It is specially impressive that you knew that you could answer the essay in an opposite manner and yet still deliver the required answer of the prompt. That is a very creative idea :-)
