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4th grade + diverse interests: BROWN SUPPLEMENT


ekim226 5 / 29  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
I plan to submit this tonight! Any advice would be appreciated & I'd be glad to return the favor!
I was told that my answers were somewhat unexciting/unoriginal, but I'm not quite sure how to make it pop. I tried to be truthful/down to earth, but if you have suggestions for that, let me know!

Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

*I'm not sure that I make myself clear in how 4th grade has inspired me. Any feedback/advice about that?

Story-time Fridays, Lunchtime Bingo and Jeopardy Bowl. Although it was my first and only year at that elementary school, fourth grade memories are definitely my favorite, and I give credit to my teacher, a Brown alumna. No other teacher encouraged me to venture into varied subjects like geography, science, even play-writing like Mrs. Cutrona did. Although high school lectures and presentations have fed me new knowledge, she taught me that there is nothing as stimulating as exploring diverse subjects in a tight-knit community. Brown's liberal curriculum gives me the opportunity to fearlessly indulge in new courses with like-minded, adventurous students. Eclectic organizations like Attitude Dance, AASA and The Elm Tree Project inspire me to further expand my interests, and UTRA will allow me to start my own research project to promote the arts and service. I hope to join Brown's dynamic student body and utilize Brown's resources to share my thirst for life with others and impact the world.

srlee1992 2 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
1st essay.
maybe if you relate you teacher to the school other than the fact that she was a brown alumni - or create a clear connection of the teacher and brown - maybe like saying brown will be the second Mrs.cutrona (or is it too cheesy haha) but other than that i really like it

and instead of starting with "Story-time Fridays, Lunchtime Bingo and Jeopardy Bowl" which seems a little random maybe start with examples of varied subjects like geography, history, science, even play-writing (just a suggestion)

2nd
From journalism to fashion and traveling to film, my interests are abounding in diversity. Double majoring in English and Modern Culture and Media will allow me to not only amplify my writing voice, but also explore other courses and help me learn more about myself and my wide-range of passions(seems like you are not completely SET on this major then) .

I first discovered my passion for journalism when I interviewed local disabled children for the newspaper as they prepared for an annual Challenge Race. Listening to and being able to share their dreams with the community inspired me to connect people through writing (great examples keep on continuing like this) .

Joining the Brown Daily Herald and WBRU staff and MCM Departmental Undergraduate Group, I plan to sharpen my communication skills and meet fellow students with an affinity for storytelling. Through internships, I will apply my skills to real-world experiences locally and abroad to fulfill my goal of becoming a global communicator. Most of all, by joining the Student Creative Arts Council and interacting with Brownies, I hope to focus my interests in the arts and myriad other areas into one influential career. this part tells what you want to achieve once you are in brown but not focus on why...so if you are over maybe you should take this out and expand more on the why...

**sorry for not responding to third one but i have to write 4more essays tonight~ haha hope this helped and thanks for your input on mine! **

OP ekim226 5 / 29  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
Thanks Rosa! :) I'll keep thinking about your advice/how I can heed them!
OP ekim226 5 / 29  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
My 2nd essay edited:
- conclusion? my ending is abrupt, but i'm not sure how to smoothly close it.
- i'm not sure that i fully answered the prompt because my other interests are arts and education but I haven't mentioned much about those interests. how can i incorporate them?

- i also have about 50 characters left. anything to take out so i can fit other ideas in?

The mission: to share life's happiness with the local and global community. The tools? The power of words. My interests have taken me many places, but I knew I would have to incorporate writing into my career when I interviewed local disabled children for the newspaper as they prepared for an annual Challenge Race. Listening to their stories and being able to share their dreams with the others unveiled a new appreciate for life and encouraged me connecting those in my community and beyond through happiness. Every time I interviewed and interacted with personalities like Moroccan exchange students, senior citizens, and student musicians, I would discover a new level of joy and my heart would jump in excitement as I'd type fervently to share their stories with the world. Double majoring in English and Modern Culture and Media will allow me to not only amplify my writing voice, but also explore other courses and my wide-range of passions.


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