Hello, everyone I hope everyone is fine. I am writing the Yale supplement and it would me alot to me if someone could review this essay. The Topic of the essay is :
In this second essay, please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application-or on something that you would like to say more about. We ask that you limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.
My esssay :
I believe my grades and my class rank speak louder than my ACT scores. My grades and class rank each year reflect the effort that I put into my classwork and school work every day. In the past three years of my high school career I have tried to maintain my G.P.A and class rank. During these years I would work until 11 P.M. and finish all my homework or study for an exam without any interruptions. I tried to manage my time and work very hard to have a high G.P.A. As you know nothing in life comes easy, but when I took the ACT I was quite shocked when I received my scores. I knew I could achieve higher than an 18 but when I retook the exam I got the same score. I was saddened to see the score I earned but I knew an exam like the ACT shouldn't interfere with achieving my ultimate goal- to major in pre medicine and become a doctor. This test doesn't mean the people who scored lower can't achieve anything. In our world today we can't judge anyone's personality based on their appearance. We would have to get to know the person very well to know who they truly are. The ACT is just one day, while my grades and class rank is a reflection of my every day achievement and hard work. . I believe grades and class rank should speak louder because in college we will need to strive to maintain our G.P.A, we will need to put effort into our classwork and hard work to get a degree or to become something in life.
What does the ACT measure? The Act measures a student's ability to perform University- level work and requires that they use skills to solve the problems. However a student can score very well on the ACT and still not go to college weather its financial reasons or if they are a drop out. I know the ACT measures a student's ability but it does not measure their capability to become and accomplish something in life. I understand it is a requirement to get a 30 or higher to be get admission in your school but in general it takes effort and hard work to attain something in life not a test score ; and this is what I did in high school. Maintaining myself including my G.P.A even in tough times such as my father going back to his country and since my mom does not speak English well it was extremely hard for me to come back late for school after my activities. However, I have learned our struggles make us stronger and fuel our desire to pursue our passion. In my life, I have faced many challenges and overcome these obstacles with poise and confidence. These life lessons enable me to find success on this new journey I hope to embark.
I know some of you guys might wonder why i chose to write about this topic. Actually and honestly I know Yale is one of the top Univerisities and they highly look at the ACT scores. I really need someone to read this and tell me honestly what you guys think. I dont mind hearing criticism because I want it to be the best. Thank You sooo Much
Hi Memona,
I think readers will understand your concern as they read your essay. However, what about highlighting your points with your intellectual concern so that the piece can be more effective? For instance, let's say you are a scholarly reader who receives a mediocre score on the ACT reading section. So why not you tell the admission officers about your passion for Dante, and argue that the stiffening multiple choice questions in the ACT do not reflect your understanding to the role of Virgil at all?
You have a good point to make, and you can make a sharp point, too!
Hi memercedes, firstly thank you very much . I do appreciated your help but I am kind of confused with the advice. I understand i need to make my essay sharp and thank you very much for telling me this. However i didn't get the example could you please elaborate on the example. Thank You
Hi Menoma,
Sorry that I didn't make myself clear. Let's say if I can manage this time! :P
Correct me if I'm wrong. So I assume the point you want to come across is that, you enjoy being challenged intellectually; your work hard in school and you succeed academically. However, your ACT score failed to show that. Thus, you can discuss in your essay how you enjoy being intellectually challenged, and the happiness you gain from your academic career. Most importantly, that is the way you wish to maintain in Yale. And then you can come to the conclusion that, ACT shows neither your passion nor your rigor.
To make it concrete, let's say you love Shakespeare and you have a deep understanding on his sonnets. However, ACT doesn't test you on those. And thus the failure of ACT to present the true you.
Thank You so much I appreciated your quick response. You are absolutely correct on the points you have stated . I really do enjoy being challenged is there anything i should cut off because the essay should be less then 500 words. Thank You
Is there any other points i should include in my essay ?
