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'my grades did not meet my standards' - University of California PROMPT #2

kids_jessy 8 / 34  
Nov 24, 2008   #1
I would like this essay to be critiqued upon with regard to content (whether this has answered the prompt adequately) and any other grammatical errors. Thank you!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?


Among all of my qualities and talents, I feel that diligence, responsibility and perseverance are the most important qualities to me. It provided me with an opportunity to develop myself into a person that is highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks & challenges.

From a young age, I have always had a keen interest in monetary matters and have developed a genuine interest in the field of economics. Thus, when I entered junior college two years ago, I decided to take up economics as one of my subjects to build up fundamentals and prepare myself for college courses. Indeed, I was intrigued by the mechanisms behind those economic concepts and the analytical approach required by the study of economics. However, as this subject was one which I had never taken before, thus there was a long time when I struggled with my economics classes. Nevertheless, I told myself that I should not throw in the towel that easily; instead I made it as a challenge for myself and set it as the obstacle that I had to face.

I understand that being responsible for my studies and putting my best foot forward are essential if I want to excel in this subject. I realize that if my grades did not meet my standards, it just mean that I did not try hard enough; I did not study hard enough. I want to be the protagonist in my own life instead of being an antagonist. My ambitions for college have been cultivated in this vision of always studying and advancing and any obstacle obstructing me must be defeated. Therefore, with my passion for economics and sheer determination, I kept myself busy by reading up more on economics reference books, economic- related magazines and consulting my economics tutor in my own time. My resolve was proven when I finally managed to break the glass ceiling and receive outstanding grades for economics. I continued to receive good grades in this subject for the duration of my study in junior college. Now I am proud of myself. Overcoming these challenges taught me about persistence and about being unfaltering in the face of adversities. Today, I would often try to push myself even more so that I can face new opponents and when I want to pursue something, I will charge forward like an enraged ram, dashing until my ambitions are met.

Every new struggle and challenge changes a person. It breeds character and prepares the individual for the next obstacle in the game of life. My background has allowed me to have the ability to take pride in my work and appreciate the opportunities I have been presented with. With the confidence and unbreakable perseverance I have developed triumphing over all of these difficulties, I know these qualities will help me excel in college and it will undoubtedly allow me to succeed in any facet of life.


Thank you! Any comments will be very much appreciated :D
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 24, 2008   #2
Good evening :)

First, avoid using symbols in your formal academic writing; "&" should be spelled out.

"...instead I made it a challenge for myself..."

Other than that, I think it looks good; it answers the prompt, is well-organized, and is easy to read. Good work!

Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP kids_jessy 8 / 34  
Nov 24, 2008   #3
Thank you lots for helping me with the editing :)

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