Graduates from the University of Michigan have at least one job offer before they finish their study

I am looking for any suggestions or feedback on this essay, thank you.

Prompt:
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)

Coming from a family of very skilled trade work, I have come to getting to know the way around college on my own. The most important thing I have looked for in colleges and universities is the academics first and foremost. The atmosphere of the campus is another aspect that stands out to me. While I like certain aspects about Adrian College, I feel that transferring the University of Michigan will provide me with more opportunities and a more challenging education. The atmosphere at Adrian College is small, very similar to my high school. I feel that I am limited on the amount of things that I could be involved in. I think that transferring will benefit me in finding experiences I should be having during this time of my life. The University of Michigan strives to do their best to give their students the best possible education and also give them a chance to experience unique events and people. The school is much more diverse than Adrian College giving the campus a more open-minded feel.

Since I am going into a business degree, the job market is competitive.

The University of Michigan is major advocates for research and entrepreneurship. They are willing to help you along the way to make sure that you are getting the best quality education and experience to strive in your career. Also, graduates from the University of Michigan have at least 1 job offer before they graduate. This is a major factor in deciding what school will benefit me most to attend.

Although transferring is a process and it is difficult to do, I believe that it will help me in the long run. It will give me more opportunities. The University of Michigan in my opinion will give me the best possible outcome. I would be proud to say I am a Michigan Wolverine.

Claire, your essay is currently cluttered with half developed reasons for wanting to transfer to the University of Michigan. Not all of your reasons can be considered valid because they are too generalized in reasoning such as


. It is my belief that since you are transferring from one university to another because of academic reasons, you should highlight that point in your essay. You also mentioned that you are taking a business degree which should help you further highlight the reasons for wanting to transfer. Say something about the limited academic and program training for business majors at Adrian College. Then talk about the business courses and programs at University of Michigan that made you very keen about transferring. Make a specific mention of how these programs will help you advance your career in the future. Don't concentrate so much on the social aspect of the transfer because these social activities are not a part of the main reason or consideration for your transfer :-) Build instead upon your desire for a stronger academic and internship background as a business major.