Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. (500 words)
I haven't seen one of my good friends in a while. He knows where to meet. I stroll into the neighborhood coffeehouse. I order a scone to share but I wolf it down myself. He never had much of an appetite anyway. I do all the talking in between bites.
Not much has changed since we were little. He is still the same polite, reserved boy I once ordered around; I am still the same impulsive, aggressive girl, though to a lesser degree. I remember when we first met. I was five and my best friends were my mother and the television. I created Graham to combat the bitter loneliness brought on by my lack of friends. I wish I had a good reason for it; I wish I could tell you I was an only child, I lived out in the country, or my parents were overprotective. But, I was just bossy, tactless, rude, and in desperate need of a friend.
Enter Graham, the four-foot tall, gap-toothed answer to my prayers. Exceptionally agreeable, a willing scapegoat, and even gender versatile; everyone else's "real" friends paled in comparison to Graham. When confronted about my mother's prized and freshly trampled geraniums, Graham was there, ready to accept his fate as I shamelessly threw him under the bus. If our game of house transformed into a level one trauma center and I needed a nurse in the operating room, Graham was also there - only this time with his hair secured in a bun.
But as I grew older, games alone were not enough. I craved reciprocation; I wanted an engaging, three-dimensional friend. So I developed mannerisms, tics, even a favorite color for Graham. Soon the silent interactions evolved into full-length conversations. For the first time, I was forced to consider how my words and actions would affect another person. As my ability to empathize with others drastically improved, so did my self-esteem. Of course, imaginary friends are mainly designed as lesser versions of their creator - I was far superior to Graham. My friend tempered my competitive nature with his lack of one, which let me develop an increased sense of worth in myself and in my abilities.
With time, others began to view Graham less fondly. Once endearing, my teachers now found it disturbing and distracting. Even my parents grew tired of setting the table for the figment of my imagination. After I transferred schools and made "real" friends, Graham disappeared shortly thereafter.
Graham could not alter my quirks and antics, but he did hone the best of them to cut the mom-and-television crystallized cocoon I had lodged myself in. He took my worst traits and made them more bearable. Looking back, I realize I did not create Graham only to compensate for my lack of friends but to also be the mentor who would guide me to finding friends instead of making them up.
A stranger asks if the seat is taken. I start to say yes. She looks perplexed but moves to leave. I remember myself and call out, "Wait! My friend just left."
I am open to all criticism! Please, give me feedback about syntax, diction, grammar, etc. Be harsh! Will gladly return the favor.
I haven't seen one of my good friends in a while. He knows where to meet.
these two sentences dont flow. try combining it with a conjection
couldn't find any other mistakes, but to be honest, i was too engaged in reading this very very unique essay that i might of missed some.
overall, the essay is really really strange. i personally liked it but idk what the AO might think. its a risk, can either really make you stand out or
REALLY MAKE YOU STAND OUT (not in a good way)
but then again, i never had an imaginary friend, mayb its not as strange as i think
if you can, read my stony brook essay TY!
This is such a heart warming lovely essay!
I love the idea. When I was reading it I thought you focused a lot of time on the imaginary friend, but in the end it told me alot about yourself.
Great word voice and tone- very interesting read.
Thanks for the help by the way.
i really like the topic. its intriguing.
however, the line in the beginning about doing all the talking is a little confusing. is he not there anymore? did he come back? are yo utalking to yourself? clarify out just take it out. you don't really need.
also, you might want to point out how you are less like that now and how though you are still aggressive and impulsive, you are known for it amongst your friends or something along those lines.
hope this helps! good luck!
I have not seen this take done on this prompt. Very creative!
I honestly loved it and I think you will stand out in a good way
I think you did an especially good job about describing yourself through the descriptions of him. While reading, I was more focused on your imaginary friend but unconsciously I learned a lot about you.
The ending is kind of abrupt tho. You go from the lessons that you learned from your friend right back to the story. I think you could use a transition there.
I would appreciate it if you could look at my Princeton what i did this summer essay :)
This is a lovely essay. However, when you said "I haven't seen one of my good friends in a while. He knows where to meet." in the beginning, I was a little bit throne off. I understand what you are trying to say but it confused me in the beginning and I had to read it three times before I could continue onto the rest of the essay.
